We all go through tough times with the men in our lives from time to time. Sometimes these relationship problems are long-lasting, other times, they’re short-lived. Sometimes, they’re enough to break up a marriage… yet other times, we come out of them feeling closer to our guy than we ever did before.

Regardless of any circumstance, and no matter how great of a conversationalist you consider yourself to be, don’t you always wonder what really goes through a guy’s mind when he acts a certain way? Wouldn’t you just love to know what prompts certain actions (you know, the ones that make you wanna strangle him at times)?

Well, now you can!

Olicious Life has gathered a panel of our very own resident everyday guys. We’ve got a team of single, engaged, and married men in their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s who are excitedly awaiting to respond to all of your burning “What’s he thinking?!” questions.

Please send in your questions to Submissions@OliciousLife.com. If you’d like to write to us anonymously, you may do so through here, AnonymousFeedback.com. If you’d like to chat with ladies, instead, stop by our relationship forum!

Editor’s note: OliciousLife.com or any of our authors or affiliates are not responsible for any action or non-action by the individual whose question appears below. Any information posted in this or any other article or post relating to this or any other question submitted to OliciousLife.com or any of its authors or affiliates are for entertainment purposes only. The below advice is not to be construed as legal advice, marriage counseling, or life coaching, and is not intended as such.

His Chats with a “Friend.”

My boyfriend of three years has a female friend who calls him daily. He speaks to her for hours on end! And the worst part is that she’s said many times to him, in text messages and emails, that she’s…

In Love with Him!

They used to live close by but he has since moved for a job, and they haven’t seen each other since he moved. He swears to me that they have been friends the entire time and were never anything more, but I have personally seen text messages where she tells him about how she feels about him, tells him she misses him, and can’t wait to see him.

I spoke to him about this and he said that he doesn’t care about her in “that way.” Then I told him that we should break it off because he talks to her so much, and he said that he doesn’t want that. And yet, he spends hours every night talking to this girl, without fail!

I want to stay with him. I don’t know how to approach this anymore.

Please Help!

Answer

I must say that I don’t like the situation you are in here, but I dislike the situation that you put him in, too. Ultimatums are almost always a bad idea. It would have been much better had you come to him and simply, calmly, discussed your feelings about these chats he is having.

Are you jealous? Then say so. Ask him how he would feel if you were to chat for hours daily with a male friend who he knew was in love with you. Ask him to close his eyes and really picture this scenario, see how this would make him feel. I don’t know any guy who would be comfortable in this situation. I know I wouldn’t!

I think this simple exercise would serve to wake him up from what he is doing here.

Decide What You Want

What exactly would you like for him to do? Discontinue speaking with her altogether, limit their conversations to once weekly… include you in some of the conversations, what?

You need to know exactly what would make you feel better before you even approach your boyfriend. Tell him exactly what would make you feel better, and he will be much more likely to respond when he sees solid steps he can take to make you feel better about this whole thing.

I’m sure that he in no way intends to hurt you. People love attention, we all like to be loved. If you were getting attention from a man who told you that he misses and loves you constantly, you would probably want to speak with him too, wouldn’t you? Of course this exceeds boundaries, primarily because it bothers you, but understand where he is coming from, too.

He Doesn’t Mean to Upset You!

You must understand this fact. I highly doubt there is anything at all going on here, as he doesn’t hide from you the fact that they speak at all. I would trust the fact that there is nothing going on here. However this isn’t the issue. The issue lies in how YOU feel about this whole thing.

Your boyfriend is wrong to continue the friendship after her expressions of love for him and your displeasure. He’s being unfair to you here, and he just needs to realize this. He is also being very unfair to her by very obviously leading her on, and while he may not want to upset her, as she is his “friend,” he still needs to put things in perspective here.

When to Beware

I can’t end this without putting in a word of warning:

If after you have a calm conversation with your boyfriend, he still resists discontinuing these conversations (or you find that he starts hiding them from you), then LEAVE HIM.

You deserve better than someone who is unwilling to do something so simple to satisfy your emotional needs. Beyond that, if he is unwilling, then something more is going on here, and it should be plenty obvious to you at that point.

Good luck. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that all goes well and this whole thing stays in the past as you two move forward.