Comments on: She Gave Him an Ultimatum. Was She Right?

By: Alphawoman

Alphawoman — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:55:23 +0000

I agree with Kellie– the advice given in this scenario is off. A man who is knowingly engaging in a close friendship with a woman who is openly “in love with him” is doing a dis-service to his wife/girlfriend.

The idea that he is entertaining the friend’s fantasy of being with him through long phone conversations and close contact suggests that he likes the attention, too. In all relationships, ultimate allegiances come down to spouses. A marriage or marriage-destined relationship isn’t composed of 2 individuals, but of one team. If some outside factor is eroding the team, then it’s a problem.

I wholeheartedly support the OP in her decision to levy an ultimatum. Good for you, OP, for respecting yourself and not settling for second-best treatment. You sound like an intelligent, confident, and well-adjusted person. No man’s ego-boosting is worth sacrificing your own happiness or self-worth. Good for you!!!

By: Kellie

Kellie — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:08:01 +0000

Though he may not intend to hurt her, he is… plain and simple. I can’t think of one man on this planet who would stay with a woman doing this. He would end it abruptly.

It’s absurd what women are expected to put up with in relationships. If he loves her, why would he pursue a relationship with another woman who is madly in love with him? Of course we all love attention, but this is harmful.

Most of the time I agree with the advice, but I have to strongly disagree here. She doesn’t deserve this.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:06:57 +0000

I’d be upset too and would probably issue the same ultimatum because I am a straightforward person. I’d also be really upset that he wasn’t listening to me and my feelings, that more than anything makes me crazy in my current relationship….If you have the calm conversation about how you feel and he still doesn’t change then I agree that you need to leave him….

By: KKKRRR

KKKRRR — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 13:39:32 +0000

This may sound harsh, but if it were me in this situation… I wouldn’t put up with it, I would find a guy who wanted to talk to ME for hours every night….

By: Mloveb

Mloveb — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 13:04:13 +0000

Hmmm I wouldn’t do that to my guy, in fact one of my best friends is male we do talk for hours about 1 time a month or so. It does’t make my SO unconfortable but if my best friend started sending I love you messages James would be like OK does he know where you stand ? Anyway if shoe was on the other foot I’d be the same way. But I am anti- ultimatums, one of my exs said giving one to a guy is like a challenge to do what you don’t want him to (personally I am the same way), so I just say how I feel and If they truly care about me they will so something to comfort me.