Helping Loved Ones With Eating Disorders

[Jewel]

I am convinced that my little cousin (she's 16) is battling an eating disorder. She barely eats (I haven't seen her eat anything other than green veggies in years!), she is extremely underweight and is always sick.

How can I help her? She refuses to talk about it and gets extremely defensive. If I tell her she's a beautiful girl, she says she's fat! I tell her she's wrong, and she says I "don't get it." I tell her to start going to the gym with me, hoping to get her into fitness, and she always has an excuse as to why she can't. I'm thinking she just has no energy for it!

Any tips or ideas? I know I had a disorder of my own in the past, but no one ever suspected it or cared enough about it, so I battled it on my own, and still struggle sometimes with binge eating.

[BootyBootyBooty]

It's so hard to help someone when they don't want to be helped. I think all you can do is keep offering to take her to the gym with you, eat with you, cook with you, etc. etc. Maybe you could open up about your own disorder from the past?

[Nic902]

Just be there for her...I know I would have NEVER admited it, if confronted...not to mention she may not realize its a problem yet.

[CaitStrong]

For many people who have eating disorders, it is a control thing. It is one thing that they have a sense of control over in their lives, even if it is false. She may not think that it is a problem, or may even feel that you are trying to sabotage her. It's like ED is like that friend your parents hate but you defend her because she makes you feel cool and you feel less alone. I won't admit my ED to certain (most) family members because I know that they will try to control me, and they already try to control so much else in my life. I know that it is destructive, but sometimes I feel like it is all have that is my own, and I do not want it taken away. That is how I feel when it's really affecting my behaviour. If I were you, I would just offer love and support in ways that do not revolve around food or eating. Drawing attention to her eating habits may make her act more defensively. Emotional support is so key. It is not just about the food, and there must be something else going on in her life that is causing her to turn to ED. Good luck, she is fortunate to have you caring about her.