Binge Eating Disorder

[alygrrl]

Girl.
you are pretty and you are thin. just sayin' because I hava a feeling you haven't said it to yourself lately.


luvs.

Originally Posted by anniemack

I hear this... don't get me wrong... there are days I utterly want to throw in the towel on the whole recovery thing... I feel better after I purge... It's like a high for me... I feel gross but somewhat calm... and relaxed... it is strange...

You know what doesn't come in ones for me: EVERYTHING... except brussel sprouts cause they are gross little balls of mush - or and green peas

I digress...

The questions playing over and over again my mind:

Why can't I be naturally thin?

Why is there so much cellulite on my thighs?

Why am I not pretty?

Why am I still single?

Why do I workout since I don't look pretty and thin?

These questions - these are the ones playing over and over again in my head everyday. I wake up with self doubt and I go to bed with self doubt. I hate the mirror because I look fat... I have a 26.5" waist and think I look like a 400 pound gorrilla... I look in pictures the way I feel... I feel fat... and sometimes I wonder if there is anything I can do about it and I should just accept my fate of being this way...

I struggle all the time - every day... and most of the time the only person who knows how I really feel - the things I really think - is me - and the reason is because I am scared if I let myself tell people I don't have it all together - that my cheese is falling off my cracker - that I have the white flag up and ready to wave - they will tell me I should...

[BootyBootyBooty]

Thanks for being so honest AnnieMack. I LOVE you for it. I wish I had answers.

[fit mom of 4]

Originally Posted by Alanis86

omg i think we are the same person?!?!

Me too... except for the single part.
I also, no matter what I weigh, have those days that I look in the mirrir and I see something completely different than everyone else.
It is something I am dealing with everyday. I want to have not only a healthy body, but I am REALLY working hard to have a healthy mind too.
Annie, you are GORGEOUS, inside and out ( I have followed you on "another" site too) and you have a lot of valuable insight to give. You are so helpful to each one of us in so many ways.

[Nic902]

Originally Posted by fit mom of 4

Me too... except for the single part.
I also, no matter what I weigh, have those days that I look in the mirrir and I see something completely different than everyone else.
It is something I am dealing with everyday. I want to have not only a healthy body, but I am REALLY working hard to have a healthy mind too.
Annie, you are GORGEOUS, inside and out ( I have followed you on "another" site too) and you have a lot of valuable insight to give. You are so helpful to each one of us in so many ways.

I second this! For me, having the healthy body is the easy part...its my fuckin head that gives me problems

Annie...I adore you! I dont think you give yourself an ounce of credit that you deserve. I know how hard it is to get out of your own head...but, you should step outside of yourself and take a good look at how amazing you truely are.

Ahh ladies - thank you from the very bottom of my heart... my head has been all kinds of jacked up lately...

I am taking a different approach these days to try and get out of my head but this freakin skeleton in my closet is irritating...

Aly - thank you so much... I want to one day be able to agree with this...

Booty - I love you too!! I wish I had even one answer!

Alanis - haha, glad my random ramblings and irritations hit home with people other than me!!

Fitmom - I guess we never really know who listens to us or thinks what we have to say is importatnt - thanks!

Nic - you are awesome! Plain and simple!!

[BootyBootyBooty]

I know all about skeletons in the closet...all we can do is work on it! Good on ya for taking healthy steps!

[stablesgirl]

I think this thread is an example of what's so great about this site. You ladies are being real -- and putting these ugly thoughts and battles with self-control out there for all of us to read and see that we're not alone. I don't think I have a full-blown eating disorder, but I def look in the mirror and see more fat than is really there. I think it's easy to latch on to eating and working out as something I can control -- and when I already have a personality that loves control and organization, I realize that is a dangerous area to try to organize so strictly.

I admire all of you for staying with the fight -- start fresh every day. Don't punish yourself for falling off the wagon. Come here and be real.... it's awesome that we can do that for each other.

[BootyBootyBooty]

I agree stables! Thanks so much for your support!