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This is a discussion on Crazy thoughts... within the Eating Disorder Discussion forums,----- So the more I post here the more I am comforted by the realization that there are other people out ...
So the more I post here the more I am comforted by the realization that there are other people out there who think and feel just like I do. In my daily life I get looks from people all the time about things as simple as "a low carb day, you freak!"
If they only knew how messed up my head actually was I'd probably never hear the end of it.
I've decided that since it helps so much to know I'm not alone with my disordered eating habits, or my unhealthy relationship with food it would be nice to post some of the things we've thought or done that we probably wouldn't have the balls to confess elsewhere because it seems just plain crazy...
I used to get anxiety about eating my post workout meal if I missed a lift.
Say I deadlifted 242 pounds, and I attempted a 248, if I missed the 248, but still had an all around good workout, i'd be paranoid that basking in the glory of my post workout meal was somehow unjustified, like my body wouldn't be as good eating that cereal because I missed a single lift.
I didn't like it when people offered me a ride in weather that was minus 25 just because then I'd be walking ten minutes less that day and oh, I'd gain weight from that 70 calories I'm not burning.
I get so excited before I eat that I feel the need to obsessivly do every single chore or I wont enjoy my food. If there was a way to wash ALL my dishes BEFORE I ate I'd do it, gauranteed.
I also get anxiety if I think anything will disturb me while I'm eating... and if something touches my face while I eat, even if it's like an asparagus spear, I'll make myself get up and go wash off my face just because I'm not nice enough to let myself sit down, shut up, and eat my food like a regular person..
Anyway, these are just a few haha, FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY !!
I can't have ANYONE taste my food. Not ONE bite - it makes me rage! I feel like I'm logging extra calories that I won't even eat because they "stole" them from me...LOL.
Oh, and I never miss a meal, because I'm paranoid that I'll turn catabolic :p
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"It's funny...the harder I train and better I eat.....the better my genetics seem to get." - G. Diesel
I use my outlook at work to set my self a task to eat on time. If not I'll either forget. I have to eat by certain times or it throws my whole plan off balence, if I miss a meal I'll usually end up binging once I get home from the gym.
I just went through bulk so I think I am never going to get the xtra BF% off. I also keep calling my self a fat ass or chunky, well weight wise I am 136.5 at 5'4 which seems like soooo much to me. Esp when I hear people at my height compete at 110-120 ish I'm like I know what I look like at 120 and I look like a stick so I keep thinking all my weight is BF. Although, I've never seen myself this muscular before, so I am also worrying that yah I might loose weight but it'll all be muscle. =(
I've never liked myself,I am getting close. I am working on it mentally and trying to stop and reconize the negative thoughts. So I know how you feel. There is alot that goes through your head.
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Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli
My colleagues joke that they know when 10am and 2pm are because I'm eating.
Everytime someone smells food they ask what I am eating or say that must be Michelle... Even when I don't have food. lol Or she's always eating...etc etc I'm sure you get them all too.
Before every cheat meal I feel a little bit of anxiety. I know that I will not get fat and it is ok to have a normal meal but I have to convince myself of that.
Before every cheat meal I feel a little bit of anxiety. I know that I will not get fat and it is ok to have a normal meal but I have to convince myself of that.
I am the same way....the crazy conversations I have with myself, trying to convince my head that is OK make me sound like a nut!
I get so excited before I eat that I feel the need to obsessivly do every single chore or I wont enjoy my food. If there was a way to wash ALL my dishes BEFORE I ate I'd do it, gauranteed.
I also get anxiety if I think anything will disturb me while I'm eating... and if something touches my face while I eat, even if it's like an asparagus spear, I'll make myself get up and go wash off my face just because I'm not nice enough to let myself sit down, shut up, and eat my food like a regular person..
I do this often to. I just want to enjoy my meal. I am especially bad with my last meal. Everything has to be done- showered, contacts out, pjs on, etc so I can just sit in bed and enjoy my last bit of food. Then I can completly relax bc all i have to do is get up and brush my teeth and climb back in bed to relax some more.
I have totally obsessed over carbs. Those of you in my journal know that I have yo yo-d all over the place with my building diet. i am such a flake about it! I am so scared of the bf i have gained and scared of gaining more bf. I don't start cutting again until mid Jan and I pray this will come off! A year older (37) than I was last time I cut, so I get paranoid that my body won't cooperate! I KNOW I need to gain bf to gain muscle, but enough already! I don't want to have 30 lbs to loose come Jan. That would be HARD to loose!
We all have our own food issues. I think for most of us it comes with the territory. Just gotta grab ahold and find my balance!
Crazy thoughts...
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