how do you keep going-sorry this is long

[Orchid]

OK, so I didn't want to post on this board anything to do about binging, because I am always utterly embarrassed to admit that I engage in such a disgusting habit and I don't want people to look at me and automatically think binger, but I need some inspiration and help. I have always been active, grew up on swim team, swam through college, after college I got into running and ran marathons and have lifted since high school. I've always loved to exercise, but it's the eating part that holds me back.

I grew up an athlete, so I know I have discipline. I can bust my butt at the gym until I feel like I'm going to puke, and when I was training for something in particular- swimming or running, I have always pushed myself to get better and faster.

But my eating has gotten so messed up, and I can't find a way back to eating semi-normally. Honestly, the longest I have gone without binging in the last probably 15 years (besides times when I was sick) is about 4 weeks. Lately I can only get up to 1 week. That's pretty pathetic!

I've never been fully anorexic, but I have over exercised, under eaten and lost my period. I've never thrown up- intentionally at least, just a few times I really ate waay to much and my body needed to get it out. But I binge, and it rules my life, and I hate it.

I'm not obese, not overweight, I have some fat to lose definitely, but I don't look like the work I put out at the gym, because of my binging. Honestly, most of the time I binge, it is not emotionally related. Most of the time it's either because I'm ravenous or overly exhausted. Like yesterday I ran really hard for an hour and didn't eat enough during the day, so by night time I was eating everything in sight.

I need advice...I feel like I've done this for so long, it is my norm, but I don't want it to be. It shouldn't be that difficult, but it is. I've gone to a counselor, but I don't feel like it's helped that much. Honestly, my triggers are physical. I can get intense cravings for carbs that will not stop. I have found that eliminating sugar and processed junk helps tremendously,and also a low carb diet, but even on a low carb diet, I can still get these horrible cravings.

I think I exercise too much, as in, too much cardio and too intense. It makes me so ravenous. But I've always been in the mindset of, more is better. Probably not in this case. I am trying to break my cardio habit, and slowly am getting better. I'm surprising myself that doing less really doesn't make a difference in my weight, it's the food that does.

Sorry this is so long, but has anyone been able to conquer their food issues after having them for so long, and how did you do it? I'm not sure if talking about it helps or makes it worse, because then I am obsessing. If I count my calories, I am OK, unless I go over what I think I should and I feel like I screwed up. But if I don't count calories, I end up undereating and then starving later which usually leads to a binge.

Sorry this is so long. I obviously haven't given up, or else I wouldn't keep trying to find a way to get past it...I hope you don't think I'm complaining. I just don't know what the best way is to start. Majorly cut cardio? For those of you who overdid your cardio and cut back, did you find it helped you? I'm just about ready to try anything...I just don't want this to rule my life anymore.

I think you need to admit your problem isn't gross first off... It is something you deal with - like any other issue - be it picking your nose or getting a yeast infection... Sometimes they just happen.

Recognize it doesn't impact who you are but it is getting in the way of who you want to be - I honestly believe admission is the first step - which you have done... And sometimes this is the hardest step...

What do you want? I mean really want? If you had a day you could do anything what would it entail?

[Nic902]

You sound so frustrated with your struggle...and I can totally understand that! Annie is right, there is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of...I know for myself admiting it (especially out loud) was light a huge weight lifted off my shoulders...which has helped me.

I do think if you're doing to much cardio or under eating, that will just be counter productive to what you're trying to acheive....but the real question is WHY you have the desire to binge? Once you take a look at the cause, you can begin to recover and make the necessary changes.

You are not complaining...keeping your struggles, fears ect bottled up will only make you hurt more. Feel free to come and vent, we're all here to listen

[Mloveb]

I think you said it in your post above "Like yesterday I ran really hard for an hour and didn't eat enough during the day, so by night time I was eating everything in sight"

Make sure your eating enough and not over exercising asses you diet. If you feel hungry eat it's a vicious cycle your going through. Balence your diet. I did something simular. I was training quite a bit and under eating and after my SO went to sleep I'd eat everything. So i changed my diet ate more andmore often but still did it and realized that I was doing it because I was stressed. I still do it on occasion. It's a constant effort and realization and relaxing and realizing food isn't going to comfort me. Anyway, start with making sure your fueling your body properly and if that doesn't work when it happens start writing asking your self why you feel like doing it.
And as Anne said, It isn't gross, just an issue you need to deal with.

[BootyBootyBooty]

For me...
Undereating automatically = OVEREATING.
GUARANTEED!

[fit mom of 4]

Wow. Sounds like you are really frustrated. Well we have ALL been there is some way shape or form so let me make a few suggestions.
1. Know that you are normal and normal people have bad days
2. do not feel afraid to share here, we are here to listen and help if we can
3. try to keep a food log so you are at lease conscious of what and when you are eating, and also write your feelings throughout the day... are you starving why? what exercise did you do. and definitely take a look at your workout and adjust)
4. I agree: don't focus on calories. Can drive you mad. Instead, maybe establish portion sizes visually, with measuring cups/spoons etc so you don't have to "calculate" everytime, just know the amount who cares about the values and eat.
5. make a plan and review it before you go to bed every night. Don't wake up and say "ok, now what's for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack?" Make a plan and stick to it.
6. Commit to making a change for a period of time, say 8 weeks and do your best to stick to it. They say habits can be formed in 21 days...
7. Cut yourself some slack. Encourage yourself to keep eating healthy and right because it makes you FEEL better mentally AND physically.
I hope you will find this helpful. I really know how you feel. We work so hard, and at the same time we are our selves worst enemies and biggest sabatours (sp?)
we are here!!

[Orchid]

Thanks so much for letting me vent...I kind of regretted typing that after I hit the submit button. Sometimes I just get so frustrated with myself, because I know this behavior is not beneficial for me, but I do it anyways.

I really appreciate all the tips and encouragement. Why do I self sabotage all the time? Actually I think I know...

I always am trying to eat less and exercise more in the hopes that I'll lose weight quicker, but in the end, it always backfires. I don't know why I can't get that through my head. I put pressure on myself to try and lose weight by such and such a date, that I think it makes me more stressed out about it. It usually starts with physical symptoms, and then it leads to psychological ones. But I guess the start is psychological, with my having to set unrealistic deadlines on myself to lose weight. If I could just be patient, I think it wouldn't take me all that long to get down to near close to where I want to maintain. I keep losing and gaining the same weight, not getting anywhere.

I also don't plan out my days...I do need to do that. I also need to allow myself some room for slip ups, like if I'm really hungry, and few extra calories won't break me. I've gotta think big picture.

And, I need to come to terms with the fact that I can't handle certain foods in the house. I've pretty much cut out sugar, and that has helped tremendously, but I need to not bring peanut butter or nuts in the house. I over eat on them eventually every time. I try and convince myself that maybe this time will be different, but I have proven to myself, that I can't keep them in the house. I've been good about having it at work and only having a couple tablespoons...but I'm wondering if I need to eliminate it all together. I just feel like the list of foods I really like that I can eat are dwindling a lot. I've got to come to terms with that though. I guess like is different than addiction. You can like foods and not be addicted to them.

So, basically I need to set myself a plan, take out certain foods from my diet, cut back on cardio, and set a time period for change (thanks, fit mom of 4, I like that one a lot). I get often think in terms of forever and get easily overwhelmed and doubt how I can do this.

Do you girls find that journaling helps or hinders you? I've tried a couple journals before, but I can't decide if they help. Not sure I'm ready to make that step, but I also feel like I need support. I have a tendency to get addicted to things, and I don't want this to take over my life more than it has...

And Annie, you made a good point- what do I really want to do. And you know what, all my hobbies have gone to the wayside with my battling binging and losing weight. Things I used to love have been consumed by this. I think overanalzing and obsessing make it worse. It's good for me to be dedicated and mindful, but bad for me to be obsessed.

Anyways, thanks again, ladies. I think I just need to break it down into small pieces and not get overwhelmed. Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it!

[Nic902]

For me journaling and talking about my thoughts, fears, feelings ect..has helped me so much! While yes, I've binged since I started my journal...I also got back on track much faster with the support on this site.

It sounds like you know what you need to do and the steps you need to take...dont expect to flip the switch over night, keep it simple. Even if you slip, dont dwell..learn and move on.

I know this is a difficult struggle but you can do this...and we're al here to support you

[fit mom of 4]

I agree with Nic, journaling is helpful... not a sure thing you won't binge, but helpful in getting it out, getting support from others and trying to write out the why's and understanding them. It always helps to write and/or talk about things. First it validates an occurance and also helps you to take the next step in repairing yourself.
We are all here to support and listen.

[kittiwake]

This is advice from someone who always knows what to say but could probably do with following it herself... but logically it makes sense so I'll put it out there nonetheless.

Even the fact that you're questioning whether your wokouts are too long/ not enough food shows that you're not doing what's truly right for your body. That it's even in your conscious to feel like an 'issue' means that it's not a balanced approach to your health. Says she who always overexercises/ undereats, but i'll continue...

You've already accomplished the biggest thing: recognising how you feel and admitting it to an unknown number of people who'll read this post. You're clearly a bright, clever woman who understands the pressures that we put our bodies under. Therefore you CAN do this. I tend to get 'good phases' and 'bad phases' where I eat healthy (enough), exercise less and feel like I have a happier approach. I also have periods where I cut back loads (current messy situation), exercise more and feel like an utter waste of space when I know I have a brain and therefore shouldn't be so darn stupid.

But I've learned that it's no use beating myself up over it. Do what's good for YOU- if you're told to do something that's not making you feel OK, don't do it. This might be being told to knock out a whole day's workout or something. If it makes you feel worse, for me this would mean severely restricting food intake for example, then it hasn't had the desired effect. Maybe I'd knock off 5 mins or just change half the workout to something less taxing so in my mind I've still done my exercise quota but in reality, my body's had a bit of a break.

Basically, I'm saying take steps even if you're not 100% comfy. But don't feel pressured to take ones that might have a severely negative impact because you really really don't want to do them. They need to feel manageable and like you're still in control.

You'll get there flower, of course you will. We're all OL followers, and OL followers have balls of steel dammit!