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This is a discussion on Urgent!! Need help desperately for my sister!! within the Eating Disorder Discussion forums,----- I don't know what to do. I'm totally at loss, because I've tried everything. I am now 100% convinced my ...
I don't know what to do. I'm totally at loss, because I've tried everything. I am now 100% convinced my sister is a hardcore anorexic, and this just breaks my heart...coming out of anorexia myself, I know what it's like, and I know it can kill you, and eat away at you. She won't listen to me when I tell her she has a problem. She won't believe me.
This is a message she sent me today, and I almost cried:
"Hey..how can I lose like 5-12 lbs really fast? Without exercising, if possible. It's very hard to exercise in a hotel room with 2 children who seem to have lost the ability to sleep. Staying in a hotel for now means no cooking food, so everything needs to be precooked or microwaveable. Yech.
Basically, when I moved, I could see the a faint outline of my ribs right under my collarbone. And now I can't see it anymore. At all. And my new pants are a teensy bit snug. Which sucks ass, because I just got rid of half of my pants that were too big. I know it sounds retarded, but I've always huge hang-ups about my weight. And I loved being able to see the outline and turn to the side and actually tell myself, yep, you're finally skinny. But now all I can see when I look in the mirror is the fact that I can see my stomach again and I fucking hate it. I don't even want to step on a scale right now because I'll probably cry. I'm a fat cow again, like I was two years ago."
How do I help her? What do I say? Nothing seems to work...she has two beautiful little girls, and I would hate for it to negatively influence them too, and if she becomes very unhealthy, where are they going to go? Back to their abusive father?
She's killing herself slowly and she doesn't realize it. She smokes like crazy too. I love her with all my heart, she's probably the closest person to me in the world, and seeing her like this is heart-wrenching. I can't even describe it. She was already pretty unhealthy looking when I saw her in Texas...and I can't imagine what's going through her head right now.
I need help for her. If anyone has any advice it would be so appreciated, because I'm totally lost...
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"It's funny...the harder I train and better I eat.....the better my genetics seem to get." - G. Diesel
You say you were struggling with the same thing right? How did you get out of it? Maybe she can get out of it the same way if you explain it to her. It's going to be frustrating to try and help her, I remember trying to convince my mom to eat six meals a day and alot more then 600 cals...Ask her to humor you, and give her a decent meal plan and a workout plan, tell her to stick with it for real and maybe when she see's the results she will keep going hopefully.
The Following User Says Thank You to xooxnikkixoxo For This Useful Post:
I agree in offering her healthy advice to reach her goals...but the bottom line is if she doesnt want to do it she wont...if you accuse her of having an ED, she will probably deny it. I was the same way...judging my success on how many ribs I can see and boy, that is dangerous. I feel for you as this is not an easy situation to be in...especially with small, impressionable kids.
I would tell her your concerns and offer her help in doing things the 'right' way...but dont accuse her of anything, that will just make her defensive and shut you off.
Good Luck
The Following User Says Thank You to Nic902 For This Useful Post:
I agree all you can really do is offer healthy advice. And telling her out right you think she has a problem will often push them away from you. You know your sister better than we do, how do you think she'll react? Push you away or wake up. I like what xoox said about how did you get out of it. Maybe you can share those experiences.
If does have an ED she prob also smokes for the "it makes you thinner" thoughts.
Good luck honey. I feel for you it horrible to watch a loved one go through this.
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Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli
The Following User Says Thank You to Mloveb For This Useful Post:
Yup...Healthy advice and leading by example. Is this the same sister you might live with? Then you could help her with workouts, and prepare meals for the both of ya!
The Following User Says Thank You to BootyBootyBooty For This Useful Post:
Aww...Im so sorry that you have to go through this. I cant imagine the feeling of you sitting back and watching it happen, especially since you have already experienced it yourself. I do agree with most that has been said. She wont change until she wants to, and obviously she doesnt think anything is wrong with it becuase she wouldnt have wrote you for help. You know her better than we do, so with that said I believe you can help her in your own positive way.
I never had anorexia , I tried it, and I loved food so much that it didnt work..so I turned to bulimia. I always knew I had a problem, and what I was doing was unhealthy. I just didnt care. I wanted to be a certain size and that just seemed rational to me. I eat it, and I throw it up so it doesnt have enough time to turn into fat (thats what I was thinking). My mom even knew about it as well as my friends..but NO ONE could help me. I was the one who made the choice to be healthier, and when I finally made that choice I was grateful to have my family and friends support me. So with that being said, you may just have to wait for her to turn around. I am also worried about her daughters. Nowadays you have 5-year-olds walkin around talking about how fat they are. I would hate for this to transfer over to them. Perhaps if you discuss THAT with her, she would find that incentive to have a healthier lifestyle--not only for her sake, but for her children
Geesh..I wrote alot..lol..hope it all made sense..its past 12am..im a bit tired..hahaha
The Following User Says Thank You to MuscleMama87 For This Useful Post:
Thank you all for your help...I don't try to convince her she has an ED, because I know it would do nothing...I guess the best I can do right now is try to lead her in the right direction (however difficult).
Thank you all for your help...I don't try to convince her she has an ED, because I know it would do nothing...I guess the best I can do right now is try to lead her in the right direction (however difficult).
You've already been in her shoes, just think how you would want someone to respond to you...how you were feeling ect...
I am so so sorry. I know the toll I took on the family and friends around me, or the few that I did not push away. But you have to understand that no one change your sister, but YOUR SISTER. She will forever continue to be anorexia and cycle around the merry go round unless, SHE wants to get off. .... AND she has to see that she has a problem first in order to get better. AND STOP SMOKING there I'm done
to you!
The Following User Says Thank You to talnaj For This Useful Post:
You've already been in her shoes, just think how you would want someone to respond to you...how you were feeling ect...
Well I was just told outright that I had a problem, and it hit me hard...I brushed it off, but then went back a few days later and asked the person to help me...that's how I came off of it. But my sister is a little different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talnaj
Does she know about your experience?
Yup, but she wasn't around me during the time so I don't think she fully grasps how serious it is...
Urgent!! Need help desperately for my sister!!
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