the quest to be healthy

[kariev34]

i can't sleep tonight. its been awhile since i've posted on this forum. i've been going through some rough times now and basically since new years weekend i haven't been able to go more then about 5 days without binging. so as i sit here i thought to myself, "when did this quest for health and fitness turn out to be unhealthy and destructive. I can pinpoint when it all started. I lost 35lbs over 10 years a go just by eating healthy and exercising daily. I didn't stress out if we (my family) was having pizza for dinner. I just ate some and moved on. Every night i would have some low fat frozen yogurt. Well then i started researching nutrition and i read about 6 mini meals and having a free day. This is where my life changed and my binge struggles began. Before this, i ate when i was hungry and stopped when i was full. I didn't obsess about the time intervals at which i ate or the ratio of carbs to proteins. Now, i can't stop thinking about what, when, and how to eat. I've lost total connection with my natural hunger cues. I feel sooooo frustrated like i'm working against my body. I'm always searching for the next great diet plan thats going to make the difference. I'm so sick of it all. Today i tried a paleo type of diet with no grains and minimal fruit. So as i sit here tonight i feel unsatisfied with what i ate today b/c i couldn't eat the things i enjoyed even though they are healthy. I didn't eat them b/c this diet set up diet rules that it states i should follow. Im at the point now where i can't take all the rules anymore. Eat "x" amount of times with "x" amount of cals with "x" amounts of carbs/protein/fat. All these rules are supposed to make things simple and help you control yourself but i'm finding myself out of control. The only one thing i agree with in the diet world is to eat good wholesome clean food. I'm so exhausted by all of this and trying to find an answer. In my quest to be in control with my diet i'm totally out of control with my diet. This is no way to live and i'm missing out of lots b/c my mind is filled with the noise of diet rules. I just want to be healthy. Thats it. Sounds so simple. The most simple thing i want to do is eat when i'm hungry and stop when i'm full but for me this is such a difficult thing. Starting now, i'm giving up all the rules. I'm going to solely focus on eating when i'm hungry. I'm in such a sad place right now and i know its only me who can climb out. I know many of you can relate to this so i wanted to vent on here. Thanks for listening.

[Nic902]

I can relate to your struggles, as I myself do better with 'rules' and a 'plan'...for me just going with the flow is distructive. It sounds like you know what you need to do to be healthy, even though its hard to just do it...I think overly restricting (no grains ect..) will just set you up to binge. You should try to not count/measure foods and just listen to your body and feed it as it needs to be, and log what you've eaten and how you are feeling physically and mentally...even if you can only do it for a day, it will no doubt help you learn more about yourself.

I admire your reflection and effort to health...you can do this, just take things one day at a time

[kittiwake]

Originally Posted by Nic902

I can relate to your struggles, as I myself do better with 'rules' and a 'plan'...for me just going with the flow is distructive. It sounds like you know what you need to do to be healthy, even though its hard to just do it...I think overly restricting (no grains ect..) will just set you up to binge. You should try to not count/measure foods and just listen to your body and feed it as it needs to be, and log what you've eaten and how you are feeling physically and mentally...even if you can only do it for a day, it will no doubt help you learn more about yourself.

I admire your reflection and effort to health...you can do this, just take things one day at a time

totally, totally with Nic on this one. look at the thread in 'food' called 'no more calorie counting'. it's my loads of questions to the girls because i just stopped measuring and counting for the first time in three or more years, since i started to try and kick the ED. also, there's another one in the 'you're not alone' forum called 'breaking the female athlete triad'. another interesting bit of reading.

believe me, even if u only manage to break habit for an hour, one meal, one day or a whole week, it's progress. u realise u CAN do it. u also realise that u can choose not to do it. so u do it and u get fat/ gain loooooads of weight? so. u have the strength to get lean again. i know it's not a doctors favoured way of looking at it, but it keeps me going... i KNOW that if i get to be a chubba, i have the mental willpower to exist on as little possible until i lose weight.
but at the moment i'm not fat. i'm eating, and i'm enjoying it. so i don't need to exist on 'as little possible'.

does that make sense??
it's messed up, but i think more people think like that than would care to admit...