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This is a discussion on Relationships with in-laws within the Relationships and Family Life forums,----- My future in-laws like me, thankfully, but we still have disagreements (which I choose to address with my fiance, not ...
My future in-laws like me, thankfully, but we still have disagreements (which I choose to address with my fiance, not them directly). Right now, they don't live close to where we do, so they don't really interfere with our lives (I know that may sound bad, but you know what I mean). We'll be moving once we're married and will be living closer to them and seeing much more of them, so I'm concerned.
Do any of you have in-laws (or parents of your bf) who live close by and really interfere with your lives? How do you deal?
Well mine moved from Vancouver to be near us! (Or our kids... but whatever )
They don't live far, but I suggest not to worry unless there is something to worry about. If an occurance happens that is not ok, you must at that time set some boundries. I had to set up some time guidelines like when I am trying to get the kids into ed, don't just show up for play time. If you are not gonna bake "cuz you were just SOOOOO busy" don't bring us donuts!! Just bring yourself.
We have had some disagreements (my MIL can be VERY insecure) but we always sit down and talk about it and work it out. Hey, they are my hubby's parents, and I love my MIL and she loves me like her daughter so why not keep open communication. Always better to deal head on!
But don't fix what is not broke ... yet
Last edited by fit mom of 4; 11-10-2009 at 03:15 PM.
I am very open with my feelings and when someone is interfering with my life, I tell them, in a nice way but I am always open. His family adore me, I adore them and when we move to MD close to his family, the first time they come over unannounced I have made it known I will ask them to call before they come over or plan to come over. James agrees, that is the most important part, having a spouse that supports or has the same feelings as you. I have always been open with how I feel again I say it in a way that doesn'nt hurt:
For example when we got engaged it was 5:30 in the am when he proposed very spontainous just like him. We invited everyone all his family out to breakfast, we were in MD visiting, his mom said no she didn't want to go we said are you sure we have important news. she said yes. So we went with his sisters. I called my family and they knew already because he asked my mom for my hand in marriage.
We went out and went tophilly for the day and came back to go to church with his family. We then told his mom, the first question out of her mouth was who knows, we said everyone she started crying she as the last know, omg I am your mom and bestfriend, James was hurt. He's never been engaged or married before and he was 39 when we got engaged.
I pulled her aside and said what's the matter with you? This is his moment. You have nothig to do with it. Your son finally loves someone enough to want them to be his wife and you are making him feel bad? I said your hurting his feelings and I think you owe him an apology she did and he felt better. And my actions made he like me even more. She knows I am not going to let anyone not even his own family step on him. His exs were aweful and used him. Anyway.
Just make sure you say how you feel and that you both agree how you want the family to come over.
__________________
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli
I think its important that you and your man are on the same page...He should know how you feel but at the same time you have to understand that when it comes to a persons family, people take things VERY personal.
I think its great when everyone can get along, but thats not always reality...even if you're not honest with the fam, you've got to keep it real with him.
Michelle, the more I learn about you the more I respect you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mloveb
I am very open with my feelings and when someone is interfering with my life, I tell them, in a nice way but I am always open. His family adore me, I adore them and when we move to MD close to his family, the first time they come over unannounced I have made it known I will ask them to call before they come over or plan to come over. James agrees, that is the most important part, having a spouse that supports or has the same feelings as you. I have always been open with how I feel again I say it in a way that doesn'nt hurt:
For example when we got engaged it was 5:30 in the am when he proposed very spontainous just like him. We invited everyone all his family out to breakfast, we were in MD visiting, his mom said no she didn't want to go we said are you sure we have important news. she said yes. So we went with his sisters. I called my family and they knew already because he asked my mom for my hand in marriage.
We went out and went tophilly for the day and came back to go to church with his family. We then told his mom, the first question out of her mouth was who knows, we said everyone she started crying she as the last know, omg I am your mom and bestfriend, James was hurt. He's never been engaged or married before and he was 39 when we got engaged.
I pulled her aside and said what's the matter with you? This is his moment. You have nothig to do with it. Your son finally loves someone enough to want them to be his wife and you are making him feel bad? I said your hurting his feelings and I think you owe him an apology she did and he felt better. And my actions made he like me even more. She knows I am not going to let anyone not even his own family step on him. His exs were aweful and used him. Anyway.
Just make sure you say how you feel and that you both agree how you want the family to come over.
The Following User Says Thank You to LittleAsianDoll For This Useful Post:
I am very open with my feelings and when someone is interfering with my life, I tell them, in a nice way but I am always open. His family adore me, I adore them and when we move to MD close to his family, the first time they come over unannounced I have made it known I will ask them to call before they come over or plan to come over. James agrees, that is the most important part, having a spouse that supports or has the same feelings as you. I have always been open with how I feel again I say it in a way that doesn'nt hurt:
For example when we got engaged it was 5:30 in the am when he proposed very spontainous just like him. We invited everyone all his family out to breakfast, we were in MD visiting, his mom said no she didn't want to go we said are you sure we have important news. she said yes. So we went with his sisters. I called my family and they knew already because he asked my mom for my hand in marriage.
We went out and went tophilly for the day and came back to go to church with his family. We then told his mom, the first question out of her mouth was who knows, we said everyone she started crying she as the last know, omg I am your mom and bestfriend, James was hurt. He's never been engaged or married before and he was 39 when we got engaged.
I pulled her aside and said what's the matter with you? This is his moment. You have nothig to do with it. Your son finally loves someone enough to want them to be his wife and you are making him feel bad? I said your hurting his feelings and I think you owe him an apology she did and he felt better. And my actions made he like me even more. She knows I am not going to let anyone not even his own family step on him. His exs were aweful and used him. Anyway.
Just make sure you say how you feel and that you both agree how you want the family to come over.
I agree..much respect! I wish I could be more tactful with my MIL. I love her dearly but she drives me NUTS!! My hubby ends up dealing with it. I don't feel comfortable saying anything bc I don't want to hurt her feelings. I am a doormat, what can I say!? LOL
She even lived with us for a year...didn't go so well! Hubby had to ask her to leave. Ended up being too much for too long!!!
My husband is great about making it know that the kids and I come first. We are a family and everything else is secondary. He loved and repects his mom, but he does draw a line. I respect him for it! He really is a great husband and father. I feel very lucky!
The Following User Says Thank You to SandyFit For This Useful Post:
I agree..much respect! I wish I could be more tactful with my MIL. I love her dearly but she drives me NUTS!! My hubby ends up dealing with it. I don't feel comfortable saying anything bc I don't want to hurt her feelings. I am a doormat, what can I say!? LOL
She even lived with us for a year...didn't go so well! Hubby had to ask her to leave. Ended up being too much for too long!!!
My husband is great about making it know that the kids and I come first. We are a family and everything else is secondary. He loved and repects his mom, but he does draw a line. I respect him for it! He really is a great husband and father. I feel very lucky!
Awe that is so awesome of your husband. It's great he can stand for you and not let you get walked on by his mom!
Before we moved out of state my mom and in-laws lived 5 minutes right down the road from each other. They didn't bother me then and they don't now. His parents drive me crazy I'm there, I'm so glad we're out of state.
I am VERY close with my in-laws. They are like my parents and I love them dearly. Actually I go to my MIL about stuff before I go to my own mother. My in-laws live close and my family is far. I also work at the family business with my husband and in-laws and surprizing we get along great.
Dont get me wrong, they piss me off at times and Im sure I piss them off too but for the most part they treat me like thier daughter and we get along well.
It can be done unless of course you've got the MIL from hell... My MIL tells me that's gonna be me. LOL...
I wouldnt worry about it unless something comes up then you can stand up for yourself and let them know that you'll not be walked on. Most people need to know their boundaries you know? I have no problem letting people know where they are, lol...
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