Talking to Kids about Sex

[Jewel]

My sister has been talking to be about this nonstop because her daughter's been asking questions lately. She's 12 years old, and she doesn't want to brush her off, but doesn't know quite how to approach the subject because her parents never had "the talk" with her.

Any of you have advice from experience? I'm sure she'll be very appreciative, and so will I. Thanks!

[Mloveb]

I am not a parent but I grew up in a very sex postive envirnoment. My mom explained to me young about inappropriate touches and who to tell. When I was about 10 after going through all the school sex ed. She sat me down adn talked to me about eveything from Anal Sex to being Gay. She explained everything in a postive manor , not it's gross or evil or abstain. She did explain also that sme things I'll like and some not so much. Once done she said, If you feel your gay you can tellme anytime I'll never change. Once your ready to have sex, wait and tell me and we'll get BC. When I was ready at 14 she didn't ask questions or get mad or say omg what sh took me to MD that day and got me BC.
My mom had children at 13 and 16 and she felt that inorder to protect all her children she needed to tell them about everything sexual in a nonnegative way so they didn't feel like they neededto hide it like she did. She knew teenagers are going to have sex with or witout BC so best to be open when I approached. I plan that once I have children to take the same approach she did.
She said it was hard but it had to be done. She never regretted it none of her children had children before they were adults and that is wht she wanted. Education and careers to be in place and everyone to be responsiable unlike her.

She's got to get it out because chances are her daughter already knows way more than she is leading on. I taught middle school and it was a real eye-opener when I heard and saw what these kids were exposed to. With the internet these days, kids have access to EVERYTHING.

Being that she is twelve, she may be interesting in the physical aspect of it, rather than how it happens and what goes on. She should talk with her daughter about respecting her body and understanding what peer pressure is and how to handle it. Sadly, things like oral sex are very mainstream for upper elementary/middle school kids. It is almost a rite of passage for young girls. They are pressured into doing so much so young.

[MuscleMama87]

i agree with Mloveb..just talk about it. My mom is very open about everything, and she was also sex positive. Once my son starts askin questions, imma answer them for him while at the same time educated him about safety and all those other ins and outs about it..no pun intended..lol

But hey, there was an Oprah show, last season I believe, where Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therpist, discusses having the sex talk with your children. It was pretty great and I agreed 100% with everything that see was saying. She has a ton of great advice and helpful information. Here is the link from Oprah.com about the sex talk:

[url=http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090326-tows-talking-to-kids-about-sex]How to Have the Sex Talk with Kids - Oprah.com[/url]

I think there is another one about the sex talk and kids on the site, but this is the first one I came across Hope it helps!!

[Artemisia]

Yeah, she definitely probably knows more than she lets on...school talk ensured I had questions at that age (I vividly recall my cousin telling me of her sex-capades when I was 11 and she was 13...and then proceeding to ask me what I thought about her random, drunken party encounters...I didn't know half of the lingo she used and had to go ask Mom, making her promise not to tell my aunt. Mom kept that promise, and to this day my aunt still thinks her daughter is a virgin.). My mother had already had "the talk" with me around that time, and it definitely made it easier to talk with her about stuff later.

My mother did teach me abstinence, though we're not fundamentalist Christians. I accepted that it was a good idea at the time (a lot of that was that I didn't like any of the boys at my school a whole lot). High school was pretty much the same, and in my group of friends we didn't really share our private activities, so I didn't feel a lot of pressure.

Anyway, when I got to college, 8/10 of the girls in my suite were virgins, and by the end of the first quarter, I was the only one left. I was kind of waffling on my point of view by then, and a lot of other things, but eventually I decided that abstinence was what I wanted. I was making an informed decision, though, you know? Mom gave me a foundation and didn't try to pretend that sex was bad so I wouldn't do it.

What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that yeah, she definitely needs to talk with her and find out what's going on in that head and heart because every girl is different and having that relationship with her mother is invaluable. It was sometimes embarrassing to spit out the questions I asked mine, but I knew she'd answer them without making me feel bad about myself for having them. A girl without someone to talk to about those things might turn to potentially damaging resources - i.e. peers, the internet, etc.

I hope some of that garbled mess is helpful.