Spark dying out...

[pamalama]

I have been married for 5 years and just recently, I notice that I don't look forward to seeing my husband, nor do I enjoy being around him. I find myself missing the single life, not being excited by him, we're barely ever intimate, and it just feels dead. Like he's my roommate.

I don't know if this is normal but at this point I'm just not wanting to deal with it, even if it is normal. I don't know what to do because I feel like I love him but at the same time, being next to him does nothing for me. What's worse is that I know he feels the same way and not being wanted feels terrible to me.

Can anyone identify with this? I sure hope so.

[Nic902]

I have been with my BF for over 11 years....and we have hit points like that. For me, there is always an underlying issue that I'm not dealing with....it leads to me dreading his presence. Also, I think when your with someone for a long time we forget that there needs to be some effort to make things happen....When things arent fresh and new anymore, it feels weird having to work at it now when it used to be more natural.

I think you need to have a talk with him and get everything in the open.

No, you are definitely not alone. EVERY long term relationship goes through something similar to this. It doesn't make you a bad wife, it makes you normal. I always like how Chris Rock puts it: Married and Bored or Single and Lonely.

I think much of what happens is we get stuck in routines. We do the same thing in and out every single day. Sometimes just doing something out of the norm will help rekindle the flame.

[MuscleMama87]

First off im sorry that you are going through this tough time. Every long term relationship, like Nic and Kellie said, go through this, but that doesnt make it a pleasant experience. I think that you should have a sit down and really get everything out in the open, especially if you KNOW he feels the same way you do. Perhaps you two have the same issues, and maybe you guys just need to do something spontaneous. Routines get old fast. Nothing is fun after doing it a thousand times. We try our best, in fitness, to not give our bodies a chance to plateau, so do the same for you relationship . We are here for you girl. Dont ever feel that you are alone .

[CoachMatt]

I agree with everything that has already been said. However, if you know you both care about each other, truly love each other than why not talk this out? Nothing good is easy. You cant expect your garden to grow if you never water it-- it will dry out and die. Communication is the key-- without that you have nothing.

[fit mom of 4]

Originally Posted by CoachMatt

I agree with everything that has already been said. However, if you know you both care about each other, truly love each other than why not talk this out? Nothing good is easy. You cant expect your garden to grow if you never water it-- it will dry out and die. Communication is the key-- without that you have nothing.

Wow Coach... this is pretty deep. I must say I really agree too.

OP: Do you have kids? Sometimes we can feel like strangers passing in the night too cuz life just grabs us and we forget to stop breathe and remember what is important. You should definitely talk things out. Try not to point fingers or sound accusitory. I find writing a letter or writing it down first helps. Make points to discuss and then take time out of the regular day and hash this out in person in a comfortable place. Agree to not just get up and walk away until you both have "had the floor" and have come to some sort of a resolution.
Know that it is pretty normal. Relationships take work. In the begining they are easy, fun and exciting. Then comes the comfort stage where we don't try as hard because we get too comfortable. We have to try to keep it fresh.
Good luck.

[alphawoman]

What brought you two together in the first place? Do you share the same philosophical/political/religious views? Have a similar passion for sports? Volunteering?

Sometimes, taking a step back and reminding yourselves of why you chose each other is important. Why not rekindle something you two did together when you first started dating, but may have begun to neglect? Setting aside time where it's just the two of you doing something you love together will remind you both of how special your unique bond is.

Similarly, you could take up something new together that you've both always wanted to do. Learning and growing together is the beautiful part of long-term relationships.

I also agree with the previous comments that good communication is vital. Not necessarily a barrage of negatives, but a good general sharing of ideas, hopes, fears, etc. on a daily basis.

Good luck!