Does this make me a bad person???

[MuscleMama87]

OKay guys.....Its taken me quite some time to get this out here...but I have to ask...

So heres the thing..my husband has always been a fit guy..he used to be all about the weights, hitting PR's all the time. Then he got bigger..which I had no problem with (this happened when we moved to Hawaii). I still loved him..and he still worked out...just not often...lol. So recently he started workin out again..only this time he has taken a VERY DIFFERENT approach. He used to lift, lift, lift, with minimal cardio....and now he runs "slow and steady" for at least 7 miles......WTF.

He is happy, so that makes me happy for him. Here is a bit of a convo we had yesterday:

• Jon: ...As long as you dont get too big im straight...
• Me: Jon, are you scared that imma get too big, cause you always seem to want to remind me.
• Jon: Well yeah a lil bit, but after you told me that you wanted to do bikini modeling I was SOOOOO relieved.
• Me: I am not doing bikini modeling, I said that I wanted to compete in bikini just to get on stage until the figure comp. I want to be Pro Figure, not Pro Bikini. I like bikini category, but they can be a bit too soft for what I have in store for me.
• Jon: Well..just dont get too big, do whateva makes you happy. I will love you regardless. I lost some more weight. My inner thighs dont touch any more and my butt got alot smaller. I LOVE running. 7 miles now
• Me:...umm...okay do what makes you happy..just dont end up looking like one of those cross country athletes..lol
• Jon: why? I think they have a nice physique.
• Me:.....
• Jon: babe?
• Me: ......
• Jon: babe?
• Me:..do whateva makes you happy...I will love you regardless

Im worried that imma end up with a 6'4 tall skinny man...lol. I love him with all my heart and being, but geeesh. I dont want to sound shallow..im not shallow..its just that aesthetics plays a part in any relationship. Im worried that I may become attracted to the people surrounding my lifestyle (i.e. bodybuilders, or men more concerned with puttin ON muscle than taking it off)...Everytime I look at a Flex mag, everytime I watch a competition, everytime I log onto Bodyspace....its a reminder that my husband will always support what I do, but he will NEVER be apart of it in that way. He doesnt want to lift weights that much anymore..the only thing he does is push ups and pull ups every now and then...oh yeah..and lateral raises..lol..so im either gonna end up with a super skinny man or Mr. Incredible (big at the top and super skinny at the bottom)...lol

Does this make me a bad person..I love him so much

[Nic902]

I dont think you're a bad person...dont be so hard on yourself. My BF isnt in great shape...he's skinny fat, very soft. Hes gained a lot of weight over the past year or so...do I love it? NO...would I prefer someone lean and muscular...YES but, in the years I was fat, he never once told me anything other than that I was beautiful so I would NEVER comment on his appearence, escpecially since I know he's insecure about it. Of course physical attraction is important but when you REALLY love someone there is so much more to be attracted to than the physical ideal.

[beautyinprogress]

I don't think it makes you a bad person, and the one thing I've noticed about my man is that I can tell him something once, and eventually it will sink in. He has to feel like he got there on his own, and he also learns by example. I started lifting when we first got together and now (almost a year later) he lifts too...

They like to think it was their idea....

[Mloveb]

Appearance plays a big role in a relationship, yes so don't be hard on yourself.

My sisinlaws BF of several years is a marathoner and he's ingreat shape all he does is run long miles like that and doesn't even worry about his food, he understands very little about proper nutrition. At the end of a marathon is when they look very delepted and skinny not usually in everyday just walking around unless it's right after a long run. John (that is his name) loses close to 15 pounds semetimes more after a crosscountry or a marathon.

Also, have you thought he might be doing something you don't like because your doing something he doesnt like? Sounds childish but it's possible.

Nontheless, you want his support in your training and what not, why not support his new found love of running? Maybe show encourage proper pre and post w/o nutrition so he doesn't lose much muscle. By him a running mag or something.

Also, I completely agree with what Nic said.

My SO has lost 90 pounds since we've been together and he has about another 40-50 before he's considered a healthy weight. I love him with all my heart and he's a handsome man, with a wonderful personality and adores me. I wouldn't ask him to change anything, I'd love him to be healthy and not drink so much soda, but only because it could cause me to lose him sooner than I'd like. But it's so much harder when someone CHANGES on you, it's about accepting those changes and keeping on trucking.
That is the hard part.

[SandyFit]

Girl it doesn't make you a bad person! When you love someone appearance is secondary. It is more about attraction, if that makes sense!
I wish my hubby would lift. Not to bb size, but just enjoy the lifestyle with me. I get jealous when I here girls talk about there hubbys or BF coaching or helping them with there prep. Wish we could be like that. But, my husbands works and I stay home. He has afforded me that opportunity and I appreciate it! He is also back in school, so his time is very limited. Like Nic said about herself, my hubby loved me when I was a pudge and he loves me now.
My hubby does the don't get too big thing too. But then he looks at pics of girls like Ava Cowan and Jamie Eason and talks about what a nice physique they have....hmm. I tell him that is what I am aiming for...I have been with him for 17 years and seriously lifting for one...so I am patient!

[MuscleMama87]

Thank you guys so much for the support. I never thought about it that way...sometimes I get so caught up in this lifestyle..I just figure that its the only way to go. He used to be very muscular, then he got pudgy, and now he is aimin for the skinny way..I guess. But I am still attracted to him, call me cliche but everytime I see him I get butterflies...and that was even when he was pudgy..lol.Running all the time is better than sitting on the couch I guess. He thought I was beautiful when I thought I looked horrible, and he never really complained...too much ...so I guess thats it..

I am right there with you SandyFit..I get jealous too when I see those couples training togehter for a show..or taking those couples physique photos...it does suck..but he still supports me nonetheless....I cant get greedy...

I will buy him some running mags and sneak some Flex mags in there..hahaha..(a girl can hope right..lol), and imma buy him a lifetime supply of BCAA's..lol..Its time for me to support him Thanks guys so much...what would I do without you guys .

[viridian]

You might add that for him to stay healthy and be able to continue running, he NEEDS to lift for his whole body as well. All the running without strength training is NOT good for his joints!!

Holy snikeys. This sounds like my husband and me. Are you sure we aren't the same person living in a parallel universe? We have had the same convo. A year ago he took up running and lost a ton of weight. Got super skinny. Gained it back, of course. He quit running. Lifts a little now. Doesn't want me to get too big, like Jon says to you. Wants me to compete bikini.

Who are you and how do you have my life LOL.

You are not a bad person. I think it is different when you have been with someone for a long time and their interests change. We are creatures of habit. It just ruffles our feathers a bit when our spouse changes interests, as our interest changes ruffle his feathers. Once it all settles in, you will be used to each others new hobbies and life will seem normal again.

[R2D2]

Hi,

You are NOT a bad person, you're just concerned for his health & well being. I think that you are attracted to a certain 'look' because you live and breathe the lifestyle yourself ... you believe it WORKS. Therefore it's normal that you would want him to be a part of it.

But he is who he is, and I am sure he has so many positives for you to love him and get butterflies when you see him. Don't dwell on the things that concern you. Just focus on the good things, like the fact that he is out there doing exercise is great! Like you say, at least he's not sat on the couch.

When he sees all the positive things that are resulting from you lifting and eating in a certain way, I am sure that he will start picking up on them. But like beautyinprogress said: they have to think it was THEIR idea

In the meantime you enjoy your thing, let him enjoy his.

[Artemisia]

I am going to second or third or fourth (not sure what we're on) the ladies who said you need to make him think it's his idea.

My fiance was into track and running, but slowly he's gotten into lifting more, more than he did in college (which was always kind of peripheral to running). I always try to be positive about what he's up to; if he wants to run, fine; if he wants to lift, great. He's quite busy with med school, so any time he manages to hit the gym I'm glad for him. Being strategically positive (more in some situations than others) always helps. If he lifts, I squeeze his arm muscles and tell him how hot and big his arms are looking, how I love how he looks after a good pump. A purr while doing this helps, too. Positive reinforcement! If he tells me he jogged, I kind of nod and say "that's good." Still positive, but minus the glowing review. So, you know, if does do some push-ups, perhaps that is a good tactic to employ.

[AngryWalmartGreeter]

Girl we are in the same boat! DH is deployed and everyone is saying how he's lost so much weight! He a runner but now it's like an addiction to him. I told him he better not come home looking like Skeletor! He use to love lifting but now he's doing less of it and more running. And he tells me not to get big since I'm lifting heavy to get ready for a powerlifting competition. We go back and forth about each other's size. But I'll love him no matter what he looks like.

But overall you're not a bad person! Group hug....