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This is a discussion on He's just not that into me within the Relationships and Family Life forums,----- Rant time! I met a guy a few weeks ago. After a few emails back and forth we really started ...
Rant time! I met a guy a few weeks ago. After a few emails back and forth we really started to hit it off.... and then we started texting. A lot. I mean, falling-asleep-with-the-phone-in-my-hand -- a lot. We went out a few times... and he cutely admitted he was smitten.
And then all of a sudden..... the texting slowed down. I thought he was blowing me off, and I stopped contacting him too. Then a few days later, he started texting me a lot again.... and a few days after that... nothing again. Whenever I thought he was backing off I would leave him alone, but then he would open up communication again.
We're too old for games, and I got tired of guessing what message he was trying to send, so I sent him an email last night that said -- "Hey I can take a hint pretty well, but everytime I think I'm getting the picture you draw another one. Ditch subtle. Aim for gentle honesty. You're southern. I know you can do it."
And...nothing. Seriously. Nothing at all. This is a guy who was all about me -- who told me he was all about me -- and now he can't be bothered to send an email? As shy as I am, if the situation were reversed I know I would have a hard time figuring out how to respond, but I would have written something. I hate, hate to be ignored.
Well... personally, I wouldve came straight out and asked what was going on. Texting is pretty... well, casual. If he's not calling and youre not doing anything together, id say the texting was pretty much just casual, maybe 'im bored' conversation. You mightve just surprised him with the email or maybe he's having issues deciding on whats going on himself.
Ten thousnad different possibilities lol. If he doesnt reply, id just dust him off as a 'doesnt work' and move on totally... Text back friendly but forget about it otherwise. Particularly if he's too immature to give you astraight up answer of some sort.
It's only been one day, right? He could still email you! Just when think you're too old for games, they pull these tricks on you, I know how it goes. Men are never too old for games, they like the chase, no matter what anyone tells you! I think that explains him texting you once you cool off.
Now that you sent him that message, he will either reply to you with his thoughts, or he'll be turned off because the entire chase aspect has been killed off (he now realizes that you're interested in him). In either case, I don't think it's a bad thing that you emailed him because you'll see where you stand, whether he gets back to you or not. Please keep us posted!
I would say forget about him all together..and forget you sent the email. From an outsider point of view, you are right, he is just not that into you. If a guy likes you, he will call you...no texting. He also wont stop texting for a while only to resume when you stop returning the messages. You are to mature for this loser..PASS!!!!
[QUOTE=viridian;36009]Well... personally, I wouldve came straight out and asked what was going on. Texting is pretty... well, casual. If he's not calling and youre not doing anything together, id say the texting was pretty much just casual, maybe 'im bored' conversation. You mightve just surprised him with the email or maybe he's having issues deciding on whats going on himself.
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This is excatly what I would do and have done. I read what you said you typed and if it were me I would have been slightly offended. What if he's now busy or working or something and just doesn't have time. There are loads of possiblities but Calling and saying hay we were blasting the texts and chitchat and now nothing what's going on? Texts and emails can be so impersonal esp if there is an issue. My SO and I started out with IM's and texts but we always called if there was an issue because there is no voice or emontion in a texted you can't really gauge how they feel beyond the black and white. But don't put all your eggs in one basket talk to other people as well you guys aren't exclusive or anything, are you? If not date others and talk to others.
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[QUOTE=Mloveb;36076][QUOTE=viridian;36009]Well... personally, I wouldve came straight out and asked what was going on. Texting is pretty... well, casual. If he's not calling and youre not doing anything together, id say the texting was pretty much just casual, maybe 'im bored' conversation. You mightve just surprised him with the email or maybe he's having issues deciding on whats going on himself.
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This is excatly what I would do and have done. I read what you said you typed and if it were me I would have been slightly offended. What if he's now busy or working or something and just doesn't have time. There are loads of possiblities but Calling and saying hay we were blasting the texts and chitchat and now nothing what's going on? Texts and emails can be so impersonal esp if there is an issue. My SO and I started out with IM's and texts but we always called if there was an issue because there is no voice or emontion in a texted you can't really gauge how they feel beyond the black and white. But don't put all your eggs in one basket talk to other people as well you guys aren't exclusive or anything, are you? If not date others and talk to others.
I am so with you on this.
Stablesgirl,
I think you are blowing things up. I'd be totally offended by what you wrote and probably thought wtf is wrong with this girl/guy. People do have things that come up and so on, if it bother you that much you should have called him. I am not trying to make you feel bad but people seem to think that text and email is a proper way to communicate for everything. To me if its a casual thing, ok, but if something is bothering I will pick up the phone and call you. Email and text can't be so misunderstood. You don't get the persons tone and simple phone call would have solved the issue or avoided another one.
I had the exact same happen to me with a dude. I say just drop this loser your a pretty lady, you deserve someone. Not sure how old you are but if I'm 19 and I'm over the game playing you should be to. If a guys into you he wont be pulling bullshit like that. He's not worth the aggravation.
Thanks for all your thoughts. I hear you on the text and email being without tone, and I agree, but I've always been shy about calling. I'm surprised some of you think my email was offensive -- but he doesn't seem offended.... more like confused. I'm trying to clear it up but we are both at work and I can't talk to him right now... might be a lost cause.
Of course, my eggs are not all in one basket.... I was interested in him but since we only went on a few dates I wasn't that wrapped up in him. I guess my pride is just hurt but I'll get over that!
He just wrote asking, "Obviously I'm not answering this right. Now what?" Yikes. I guess for someone who writes for a living I don't do a very good job of it.
I don't think your email was offensive or wrong. In this day and age texts and emails have become an accepted way to communicate. Personally I write better than I speak when I am upset and writing helps me to get ALL my thoughts out at once. I hate talking to my man and forgetting to say something because I am too emotional and then have to rehash the conversation later.
If you're expecting an answer from him, then see what he has to say and then move on if necessary....
I think the world would be a much better place if everyone was upfront and honest with each other when it came to emotions, what they're looking for, etc. Honesty is always the best policy. He SHOULD just tell you exactly what he is looking for and how he feels towards you. You need to tell him EXACTLY how you feel and what you are looking for with him.
It's always better to know than to wonder. If he's not that into you- you can move on instead of wondering for the next 6 months.
Regardless of the outcome, you deserve to be happy
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Thanks for checking back girls! Lynzbabe, I'm with you, I was ready to just be straight up with him and tell him what I wanted. I told him I was still interested in him, but couldn't tell if he was still interested in me. He said he thought we were getting along famously. He wasn't as forthcoming as I would have liked, but I left it at that. He started contacting me regularly again, and on Sunday we had another date which went really well. Then he called me later that night to make sure I had a good time. I'm still a little confused, but I also found out this is a really rough time of year for him personally-- so I'm giving him some slack. (And keeping space on my calendar for other boys.)
fire spinner -- it's an awful story. Two years ago this month, his girlfriend was kidnapped and murdered. It was a big news story, and since i'm in the news i do remember it, but I didn't remember that this was the anniversary. So yeah, I feel pretty stupid. I'm just trying to be a good friend to him right now. It's terrible.
He's just not that into me
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