Need Advice

[xooxnikkixoxo]

Soo I need advice. I met a guy at school, and there is this like powerful chemistry between us that I've never felt with anyone else...(I hope you know what I mean lol) I enjoy talking to him, and etc etc. BUT theres one problem, hes got a very bad past, he's spent time in jail he basically grew up on the streets, sold some pretty bad drugs...

My problem is I always seem to attract these "Bad Boys" I swear I have a magnet inside of me that attracts them and I know they are bad news. MY question is what should I do? I really like him, hes cleaned up his life alot in four years, hes got his highschool and is going to Uni, but I don't know if I should brother with someone like that? What do you think? This maybe a stupid question lol.

Thanks in advance ladies

[fit mom of 4]

Originally Posted by xooxnikkixoxo

Soo I need advice. I met a guy at school, and there is this like powerful chemistry between us that I've never felt with anyone else...(I hope you know what I mean lol) I enjoy talking to him, and etc etc. BUT theres one problem, hes got a very bad past, he's spent time in jail he basically grew up on the streets, sold some pretty bad drugs...

My problem is I always seem to attract these "Bad Boys" I swear I have a magnet inside of me that attracts them and I know they are bad news. MY question is what should I do? I really like him, hes cleaned up his life alot in four years, hes got his highschool and is going to Uni, but I don't know if I should brother with someone like that? What do you think? This maybe a stupid question lol.

Thanks in advance ladies

NO. Move on. Sorry to be so blunt. Been there, done that. I don't really believe someone like that changes or if they do they can easily be swiped back in. How old are you? Enjoy your life. The right one WILL along. I could have made that same mistake. I saw my "guy" a few months ago in the plaza, I went home and threw up. Here I am successful husband, beautiful home and kids and he hasn't changed a bit. He is 37. That culd have been me. NO it could not have because he would have long since cheated on me and I would probably have gotten divorced. My parents and family would have become estranged to me and I would have been all alone.
That is my 2 cents...

[Nic902]

I can see both sides...but people can change and it sounds like he has his life together. A lot of people that had that kind of lifestyle can easily get swept back up into it, so that is something you have to be aware of. But, on the positive side I know many people that have turned their lives around...my bro is an example. He spend every weekend in jail...kinda like a getaway. He was a partier, treated women like shit...until he met his wife and she got pregnant with my neice...immediately turned his life around and now he is successful and hes an amazing husband and father.

I dont think people should have past mistakes held against them forever, so if you want to give him a chance you should...BUT go in with your eyes wide open.

[fit mom of 4]

Originally Posted by Nic902

I can see both sides...but people can change and it sounds like he has his life together. A lot of people that had that kind of lifestyle can easily get swept back up into it, so that is something you have to be aware of. But, on the positive side I know many people that have turned their lives around...my bro is an example. He spend every weekend in jail...kinda like a getaway. He was a partier, treated women like shit...until he met his wife and she got pregnant with my neice...immediately turned his life around and now he is successful and hes an amazing husband and father.

I dont think people should have past mistakes held against them forever, so if you want to give him a chance you should...BUT go in with your eyes wide open.

I partially agree, yes people can change but I think if one is young and in a position to go for it or not, I wouldn't even go down that road. I feel so strongly about this only cuz I was in a relationship with a "bad" boy that wasn't even REALLY bad til I got out... that is when the heavy drugs, stealing from where he worked etc began occuring. And it is a shame cuz this guy is SMART. Really has a brain. Apparently chooses not to use it for the right things. Just gambling spreads etc...
My opinion still holds... don't go down that road yet... see what happens.
And honestly, my brother is in a similar situation yet he only has a problem with alcohol now. He was never in jail or anything. Was into heavy drugs... out of that prob though because he couldn't afford it anymore, but "stopped" drinking when he got married... and now I know he is full fledged into alcohol again, wife and all. He was married in August. And if they were to have a child...G-d help them.
I firmly say move on. Don't invest your time and heart in someone that is sub par.

(and btw, I NEVER argue or debate (and my hubby knows this) unless I REALLY believe in something and this is one area where I have experienced the otherside and came out thank heavens)

[Mloveb]

I've have been in your shoes. A couple things here. He prob loses at of potentially good relationships based upon this kind of judgement. I would proceed with caution and if he seems like he might be getting back into it back out. But it really sounds like he doesn't want to be a part of that kind of lifestyle anymore. With that being said I am not sure of the reprocussions in Canada of havinga record my ex was on probation while I was with him and it's very limiting, limiting what jobs he can get and what not. It's hard tyo get apartments and hard to get jobs witha record. Also, people in general judge when they find out somone has a record. You have to figure out, now good guy or not, if that is something you want to deal with. I left my ex when we had to find an apartment and was told I need to give up my dogs because we couldn't find an apartment that woudl accept my ex and my dogs. I gave them up and then figured out I don't want to deal with that, I didn't do anything why should I pay for it too. I loved him or so I thought. I was better off without him and found an awesome guy who has no record. Great job and for you he's got a motorcycle (bad boy) maybe that is as bad boy as you wanna get lol.

I think you need to consider these things and decide for yourself if it's worth giving it a chance. You don't want to be kicking yourself years from now for either A. wasting time on him or B. not giving him a chance. Just don't let that love/great sex thing blind you to his actions. Good luck hon it's a tough decision!!

[xooxnikkixoxo]

Thanks for all your replies ladies!! I def agree with some of you, I always try to see the good in people, but then again I agree 100% with Fit mom because I've dated an ex drugie/dealer/jail bird two summers ago who claimed to have this life on track, went through rehab, had a job and was going to the gym.

Long story short things didn't pan out and I ended up finding out from one of his friends he was back at selling drugs again and doing them...But the again he wasn't as successful as this new guy I'm seeing, whose pretty much put himself through school. Gah I honestly dont know what to do lol

Do you guys have any ideas why I attract these type of guys?! Because I can't figure it out, I never have nice, successful guys approach me ever :(

Thanks again!!

[brownbikerbabe]

Originally Posted by xooxnikkixoxo

Do you guys have any ideas why I attract these type of guys?! Because I can't figure it out, I never have nice, successful guys approach me ever :(

Thanks again!!

As the great booming voice of OPRAH GODDESS would say....(btw she is not saying it I think is was the demi-goddess Maya Angelou...but Oprah is richer so I use Oprah!) anyway, as I was saying....She would say...You are attracting these guys because that is all you have ever known and YOU seek them out, YOU are drawn to them, not the opposite!, get it? So, start looking for the opposite of what you have been accustomed to and VOILA! Mr Right...comes along, because that is what YOU are seeking!...Ermm...okay it's not a direct quote,because I really don't have any money that Oprah can sue and me for so there...but that is the jist of it. I hope that made sense...otherwise phone up Oprah!

For exapmle: When I was a teenager, I only wanted to date blonde haired blue eyed guys and that was all I attracted...and they all cheated on me...so I decided to change my attitude, all blonde hair blued eyed guys were the devil...and along comes brunette green eyed hubby...who I never really wanted to date...but hey, I 'm married to him now and been with him for almost 20 years...UGH! ( all you married gals know what I mean *wink*wink...but that is a whole other topic " I found Mr Right but now I wanna bang his head on the wall" kind of topic...)

But do you understand what I am trying to say...i sure hope so otherwise my fingers are working for nuthin'!

[sneezingstardust]

I'd be careful...I've learned my lesson about those "bad boys". Of course I'm not half as experienced as most of you ladies, but I can tell you that from what I DO know, you have to be cautious of people like that.

What is he like now? Is his attitude something you want to be surrounded by?

You have to remember, that was in his past - however, some people carry on the same bad habits with them, while some people drop them. You have to step back a little and evaluate.

I wouldn't drop him completely because of his past, but I would be wary. Just keep your eyes open

[xooxnikkixoxo]

I've def changed my mind set before and have found "nice guys" but I find that a lot of them are inexperienced in relationships or they are to "easy" what I mean by that is they don't really play hard to get, I like a guy that plays a little hard to get.

As for this guys attitude, hes really nice, always optimistic about everything, overal he has a good personality. I will be a little wary though, don't get me wrong, if he begins to go down hill all emotions put aside, I'd most likely leave the relationship right away, I don't let anyone drag me down with them.

I'm going to let him meet my mom She's my secret weapon, for some reason she only needs to talk to someone once and she knows exactly what they are all about...it's pretty creepy considering shes never been wrong about friends,or guys that I bring home!

[fit mom of 4]

Originally Posted by xooxnikkixoxo

I'm going to let him meet my mom She's my secret weapon, for some reason she only needs to talk to someone once and she knows exactly what they are all about...it's pretty creepy considering shes never been wrong about friends,or guys that I bring home!

I think this is a GREAT idea!!! I did that with my husband. My dad is a psychologist and says in a dark room with his eyes blindfolded he can pick out the good ones and the bad ones. He gave me his blessing when he met my husband the first time. The previous guy he HATED!!!
Great idea to get an objective person involved.