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This is a discussion on Broken Hearted??? within the Relationships and Family Life forums,----- I posted this in my journal...for those of you that don't read my journal though, I wanted to post it ...
I posted this in my journal...for those of you that don't read my journal though, I wanted to post it here.
Obv, Ryan is my boyfriend (of a little over two years).
Thanks in advance for your insight!
In a nutshell here is my drama.
On Saturday night, Ryan tells me (in many more words) that he doesn't want to have to let me go. I asked "is that what you're going to do"? He nods yes. Lots and lots and lots of tears. More conversation.
Basically, he says, he feels like he has been being selfish, because he thinks I would be happier with someone else.
I ask: "Does it not matter to you that IIIII don't think I would be happier with someone else"?
He didn't exactly answer that question...I told him it didn't make sense to me. I gave him all these suggestions about finding a bridge/common interest in our relationship, because we haven't really worked at that.
No real resolution. Except that we were not going to be together (why again?!?!) and that neither of us was happy about that.
So I left and went down to my parent's house. My dad is not an emoter. He doesn't get emotion. He doesn't know how to deal with it. Needless to say, he was making things worse. Much worse. Asking stupid questions and all the questions I was asking myself, and unsure of the answers.
Ryan text to ask where I was, make sure I was safe, and asked if I was okay. I said no, not really. Told him I was at my parents, and that my dad was being an ass.
He told me to come back to the house and that he would leave (he wanted to go talk things out with his friend Billy).
So I went back up to the house, cuddled with our dog, and Billy's dog...while they were out talking. A few hours and many tears later, he came home. He was acting pretty normal. He told me to come to bed, he didn't want me to sleep on the couch and freeze.
So...I went to bed. Sex (gaaahhh, as if this weren't complicated enough already)...woke up Sunday morning, had breakfast coffee, movie, more sex, went to gym, made dinner, bed...more sex. GOOD sex, mind you. He told me he was sorry that we hadn't talked about the whole situation today. He knew we were both exhausted from it and could probably use a normal day.
So now two more "normal" days have passed. We went out to dinner and a movie. We had more sex. Still no talk.
How would you broach the subject again???? Cause I am going CRAAAZY here with no certainty or resolution.
I just posted in your journal to this.
But I know exactly how you feel. The bf did this to me a few years ago.
Said he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, blammed it on me. And then the next day took it back. Said he didn't mean it and he just freaked out a bit.
It broke my heart. Then he broke it again when he did that to me on a whim, on a little feeling he had..an insecurity. We had the make up sex too. And he seemed to be acting normal.
But I never brought it up again.
But out of every little fight I had, I remember this one. Because it still hurts me when I think about it.
It upsets me because I never brought it up again. I just let it go and I still wonder to this day what the hell was going through his head. I still act on those things he said to me ( one of the things he told me was that I don't try to look good anymore ??? ouch) and I wonder why he would say those things that were so hurtful just to take them back and say he didn't mean it. It just brings up so many unanswered questions.
So what I am trying to say is that you should ask him about it. Say that you just want to talk it out so that you can figure out why he did that to you. Say no tears, just talking...
I said I didn't want to give advice in your journal...but I take it back...that's my advice.
I'm thinkin' about a Booty, I don't want you hurting.
Babe, you need to talk about it. Communication is a good thing.
Right now my husband has moved out and he tells me that I need to be with someone better. Yet he has me come over and we have wild sex all the time? I miss my husband and want him to come home, but he says he doesn't want a roommate?
He talks to a lot of people about "our" relationship and really doesn't talk to me. He has to many back seat drivers telling him what he should do.
I will keep you in my prayers, but you need to let him know of your concerns and be open.
I wish I could help you out here...I agree with the other girls, you need to discuss it with him. Just make sure not to get too emotional about it, because it'll make him feel uncomfortable (but I'm sure you know that). Just let him know that you're wondering what's going on, and that you just want to talk. I'm sure he'll understand.
Thinking about you, I hope everything goes well
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"It's funny...the harder I train and better I eat.....the better my genetics seem to get." - G. Diesel
I think you need to talk. The days are not "normal" if you don't have some kind of resolution. You'll always be walking on egg shells wondering if and when he'll do it again. I don't like that he's playing with your emotions like that at all. You deserve better...
I know we need to talk. And I intend to. I'm just not sure how to start the conversation, for the third or fourth time?!
Rip off that bandaid and bring it up. Even if it is completely off topic.
Just say ( sans tears) that hurt a lot and it still hurts. Please try to explain it to me so I can hurt less ( then say to yourself as not to instigate a fight: if you care so much about how happy I AM).
Girl, you just need to blurt that shit out. You cannot let him get away with this. You guys aren't in the early stages of a relationship where you need to be careful about talking about feelings so as not to disturb the delicate early love that happens in an early relationship. He needs to step it up, be a man, and tell you exactly what is on his mind. Sit him down, and just put it out there. It's the only way. You don't owe it to him to eaaaaase into the conversation, in my opinion.
And stop giving him what he wants in the bedroom, until you get what you want out of him.
The excuse he gave you for thinking you guys need to end it is a total cop out. It sounds like HE wants out of it. And if that's the case, he definitely owes you an explanation.
Broken Hearted???
Babe, you need to talk about it. Communication is a good thing.
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