Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

[Jewel]

A girlfriend of mine found out that her fiance is cheating on her yesterday. She is obviously completely heart broken right now, but she still loves him. This is someone who used to always say that she will never forgive her guy if he cheats on her, but now she is seriously considering going through with the wedding.

I asked her if she trusts him, she said "no way". So, how can you marry someone you don't trust? She just said that she believes that if someone cheated on you once, they'll definitely do it again and again, but loves him enough to risk getting hurt.

I wish I could say something to her to help her snap out of it and at least get some help, counseling, something. Anyway, what do you think? Is it possible for people to change?

[BeanBabe]

It is really hard to say as I have never had someone cheat on me. In my honest opinion I do think he will cheat again, people don't change. If they do stay together it would take a lot of repair to fix the relationship and marriage is not a instant fix..I think still getting married is the worst thing she could do.

[Mloveb]

It's always possible for change. And right now for him it could be cold feet.

But if I were in her shoes. I wouldn't go forward or would put the wedding on hold. Get some pre-martial counseling and work out the kinks and make a decision based upon the counseling.

If she has alot paid for already she can just move the date out, usually vendors allow you to do this at either no or a small cost. Unless otherwise noted in her contracts. Good luck to your friend.

[alygrrl]

I really believe, once a cheater always a cheater...
And how does that trust come back? It never does.

The last serious relationship I had before the one I am in now lasted about 5 years. He cheated on me through about 3 of them ( that I know of). I kept taking him back thinking he would change, he never did. I kept thinking the trust would come back...and it never did.
Needless to say the break up was completely messy and we are not on good terms. I haven't spoken to him since we broke up 6 years ago.