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This is a discussion on In a Relationship, and Still a Dating Profile? within the Relationships and Family Life forums,----- A friend of mine has been dating her guy for 3 months now, and they seem genuinely happy together! She ...
A friend of mine has been dating her guy for 3 months now, and they seem genuinely happy together! She always talks about how attentive he is towards her, how sweet he is, and how he tells her that he's really glad they're together.
Now, the problem: Her sister came across his profile on a dating website!
I personally would at least ask him about it, but she's afraid to say anything to him because she doesn't want him to think she doesn't trust him. Meanwhile, she really does have a hard time believing everything he says now!
She'd been burned in the past with unfaithful men, so this really is scary for her -- I think that's partly why she's avoiding the issue altogether. When I say anything to her, she thinks I'm only saying it because I'm "biased," so I figured I'd ask for some unbiased opinions.
What do you girls think? What would you do in her situation?
Having had a profile in the past - he may still have it up because even when you cancel your membership you have to actually go into a separate place and hide your account... Strange but it happens...
Is it maybe an old profile? one that he could have forgotten to take down?
I am a member of so many different things online...classmates, facebook, twitter, myspace...things that I went to once or twice then never again...but I never take the times to remove myself from any of those sites...
hmmm?? that or he is a dirtbag?? Hopefully not tho, for your friends sake
It's a possibility that it's an old profile...BUT I would definitely ask him about it! Is it an account that will show the most recent login date (like Myspace does)? That would be a dead giveaway...
The same thing happened to me. I discovered it 3 months into our relationship and it really hurt me. I just came straight out and asked him about it. He apologized and said he would delete the account that day and that he had signed up for it before we ever met. He assured me he wasn't looking for anyone else and he had the woman he loved. He deleted the account. Fast forward 3 years...yep that's my hubby!
I know not every situation will turn out with a happy ending, but I would certainly encourage her to ask him about it.
She only found out because her sister came across it... so it's not like she was checking up on him. I think that makes it easy to bring up in conversation. I've been on dating sites before and they showed "last login" date so that would be a clue as to whether he's actively looking. I would ask him about it, and if he says it's old, ask him how old... then she'll know if he's lying or just absent-minded!
I would definitely ask him about it. He may have forgotten about it, and if thats the case then there wont be a problem with her mentioning it or him removing it. It will be a good time to discuss where they stand, she may be investing more in this relationship then he is.
Sooo... she worked up the nerve to ask him after she saw that he logs on daily!!
He told her that he's serious about their relationship, and likes to look around the dating site for "fun."
WTF?!
I personally think that's abnormal! If the guy's into you, then he shouldn't be looking for "fun" on dating sites. She, on the other hand, thinks it's just like "having innocent conversations with members of the opposite sex, because it doesn't lead to anything."
I told her she's crazy... don't know if you girls agree, maybe I'm just old fashioned!
I agree with you! There is no way I'd be cool with him having 'fun' on a dating website...it seems like she is looking the other way and convincing herself its no big deal. In my opinion, shes setting herself up to get hurt in the long run.
If he's still logging on everyday, he's still looking! That doesn't sound like the behavior of someone who is genuinely "serious" about their relationship. If my boyfriend was doing that for "fun" that would be hurtful to me. I would be done. :(
Well, if she asks him to take it down and he doesn't, then there is a problem. Granted, three months is still an infant... However, if he is actively seeking or dating others, he needs to be open and honest with her about it. If he is lying about this, imagine what is in store, girlfriend. I have had this man in my life and he was nothing but trouble.
red flag! red flag! He's not serious about her. No guy who is very happy in his relationship is looking elsewhere just for fun. Nope. He probably didn't tell the truth - that he wants to date around -- because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. I've been on dating sites and when I found someone I wanted to date seriously I took my profile down. If I was dating someone but still openn to finding someone better, I left it up. I'm willing to bet he's keeping his options open, so if she continues to date him, she should too.
In a Relationship, and Still a Dating Profile?
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