Do I Fight?

[LittleAsianDoll]

I love my mom. I want her to be a part of my life, even when I go off to college. She's soo supporting of my goals and what I want to be. She will be okay with whatever job, school, blahblah I end up doing if it will make me happy. I will always be the daughter that calls her and tells her things in my every day life. But the thing is, she's extremely protective, so sometimes I really feel like I am coddled, not allowed to experience things that should be open to me, etc. For all the moms and daughters out there, I need your advice!

I've ended up just not telling her about things I do that she wouldn't approve of, that I don't think is wrong at all, just to avoid conflict. So I admit I've done some things I'm not 100% proud of, and lying is bad; it makes me feel guilty and stressed out.

Part of it is because she's extremely judgmental and even righteous. She thinks that everyone should act a certain way, dress a certain way, and anything out of the social norm is just wrong and weird. I can't talk to her about sex or boys without her literally clamming up.


To put things in perspective, she won't let me drive on the highway to the city... I've done it a lot of times. She doesn't want me to date - I'm guilty of sneaking around. She wants me to come home "not too late" which to her, literally means 10:30 P.M. She won't let me pierce my ears, and if she finds out I want to get my belly button pierced soon she will have a heart attack ( I think because she associates it with being "sexy"). She thinks everyone with a boyfriend at my age is promiscuous. She made me stop going to the pool with my best friend and her boyfriend because she "didn't want [me] prancing around naked in front of a boy" and tried to make me feel like a whore for it. ("It's just wrong! Why would you want to do that!? It's not normal." etc.) She laughed, shocked, when the dr. asked me if I was single, needed a pap smear, had sexual contact, etc.

I guess she doesn't understand that if she could just let me stay out later without an accusing tone of voice, she could be a greater part of my life and I wouldn't be in potentially risky situations by lying about where I am at (which I haven't done in months, in my defense ) or who I am with.

That someone I love could be so close-minded about appearances, me, and other people just really stresses me out. I know she really will never accept certain aspects about me. I think I can live with that... but I don't want to be like my brother, who just threw out "I'm going to a friends" and not come home until 2 a.m., or who stayed locked up in his room, who calls only for money. The appeal is great, and I understand his position completely; by not letting her in on his life at all he didn't allow for her scrutiny and criticism. But I don't want that. But it's nobody's place to scrutinize the everyday things I do and the way I do them.

She seems to have a problem with me doing two things:
1. ever being exposed to sex
2. driving on the highway.
I don't know about #1 but I know she HERSELF has a terrible fear of the highway for some reason. And she somehow thinks anything that has anything to do with sex = bad.

So I'm torn. Now seems a weird time to really pick a fight and go against her wishes (namely just by saying NO and walking out when she "forbids" me to do something), with 8 months left to go until college.... If I want to hang out with guys or something (not promiscuosly or anything), do I just sneak around or tell her flat out? Do I just get my ears pierced, to hell with what she says/wants? Do I just walk out on her? What could she do to stop me besides make me feel miserable? What is holding me back? I already know I upset her a lot when we argue and she's being unreasonable so I tell her that. I don't know if I will be able to be close to her and still be who I want to be. I can't tell her 100% of my life, and I can accept that, but where do I draw the line? How much do I let her know, how much control do I let her have over me?

PS I feel like I'm talking about my mom like she is an evil witch, but I promise she's not!
PPS: Ah, sorry. It ended up being so long, but I'm glad I can get this out in front of you girls... If anything writing it out has helped me feel less stressed.
oops... I meant to put this in Families and Relationships, but I guess this works!

[Nic902]

I have always been a private person, so I didnt talk to my parent or tell them anything...whether I knew they would like it or not. I was a very independent, do what I want kind of kid (an I still am to this day). I think being over protective can totally backfire...as it just leads to sneaking around and telling someone not to do something is a sure fire way to make them WANT to do it more. When I was under 18, I followed most rules (no piercings/tats) but as fas as what I wore, where I went, who I socialized with...if I knew they wouldnt be down for it, then I did it anyway and hid it well Once I turned 18 all bets were off and I didnt hide a thing...went out got peirced and tattooed and guess what...their world didnt end LOL! they still love me

It think experiences are all apart of growing up and becoming the person you are meant to be...I've done some things that werent the smartest of choices but I dont regret a thing.

[MuscleMama87]

EEEKKK...you have a sticky stituation on your hands...lol...

Me and my mom are really close...she is basically one of my best friends..the only big difference that she and your mom seem to have is the sex thing. My mom was always pretty open about it. However, my mom has her ways...it seems as if I dont do things her way or if she doesnt feel it is my place to do something..then she judges me..it sucks but she does it.

For example..im 22..I dont dress promiscuous..but I also dont dress like a "mom"..whateva the hell that supposed to mean . If I can wear it and im not disrepecting myself in the process..why does it matter what everyone else thinks?? So what! But..to my mom...she cares ALOT about what people think..and what others think are normal..lol

I dont really have an answer for you that would help too much...if you do what you want to do then you may feel like you are disrespecting your mother by disregarding her feelings..and you know that by doing what you want to do will also create drama....maybe even drive a wedge between you two..and I know you dont want that...

Then again you could wait it out about 8months...Im not encouraging you lying to your mother...but youre not happy..and it doesnt seem like you are going out having orgies at the pool..or speed racing on the highway...lol...

You could hide a bit of the reasonable stuff to spare her feelings..I wasnt allowed to date until I graduated..and well..Im married to my high school sweetheart...we started dating when I was 16...hahahahahah

Hope this helps some..I hate to see you like this..let us know what you decide

I think mothers often have a hard time distinguishing between boundaries and restrictions. Teaching a daughter to be a strong, independent, and self-assured woman is no easy task. I know that is what your mother wants for you. She conveys it in a way that she doesn't trust kids period. Not just her kids, but all kids. More importantly, she doesn't trust society with her children.

Regardless of what your mother says or does, she is still your mother. You live under her roof, thus she has the right to set rules. If you don't follow them, you know the consequences. There is no other way around it.

However, when it comes to breaking rules and doing things you don't want her to know about... well, I think most teens have done so at some point. Some to greater degrees than other.

My goodness, Jennie. I was such a rebel as a kid. I put myself in so many dangerous situations that I never told my parents about. It is awful to think of as an adult. It is awful to imagine my kids doing what I did. The reason I did these things is because my mother was like yours. I hated watching all of my friends do whatever they wanted and have these wonderfully open relationship with their moms. I felt ostracized.

I talk with my mom about this often now that I am a parent. I still don't tell her all the terribly dangerous things I did, but I have an understand as to why she acted the way she did. She acted out of fear. She didn't know how else to protect me other than to smother me until I could no longer feel like myself.

No one can dictate to you how to behave or act. Just know that you are one lucky kid to be so loved by your family. You are so right. Eight months isn't long at all. When you go off to college, the entire world changes right before your eyes. It is as though you fall asleep and wake up in another dimension. Then you really miss having mom right by your side, but enjoy your freedom all the same.

Boys and driving. Those are definitely things I remember dealing with. Are they really worth getting into trouble over? That is for you to decide. You seem like a very rational, grounded young woman. Much more than most girls I know and even knew as a kid. Heck. way more grounded and mature than I ever was. Just be smart about your choice. Realize that you have a whole life ahead of you to experience a million wonderful new things.

It's hard. I think that mothers and daughters struggle so much during the teen years because woman don't like the idea of someone else stepping into their role. We suddenly become protective of our territory and command control that isn't really necessary. It is a strange Freudian theory.

Hugs. You are such a great daughter. The very idea that you have this internal struggle shows how much respect you have for your mother even though you don't understand her. That is very admirable.

[SandyFit]

I agree with the above posts. You need to have a sense of self and learn (experience) some things for yourself. That is part of growing up. I was not 100% honest, I really think that most kids aren't. Again it is part of experiencing things for yourself and learning from your mistakes.
I think as long as you are reasonable. I wouldn't suggest all out rebelling (piercing your ears against her wishes). Honestly what is 8 months to wait before you have them pierced? It will make your life eaiser if you try to keep the peace.
I know you love your mom and she will have to learn to accept you...no matter what! Hopefully she will eventually come around!
PS I was 30 when I got my belly button pierced and my dad still had a hard time with it! 7 years later and he is over it! LOL

[LittleAsianDoll]

Thanks ladies!! Your support means so much to me - I had no idea so many people went through the same thing!

Originally Posted by Nic902

I have always been a private person, so I didnt talk to my parent or tell them anything...whether I knew they would like it or not. I was a very independent, do what I want kind of kid (an I still am to this day). I think being over protective can totally backfire...as it just leads to sneaking around and telling someone not to do something is a sure fire way to make them WANT to do it more. When I was under 18, I followed most rules (no piercings/tats) but as fas as what I wore, where I went, who I socialized with...if I knew they wouldnt be down for it, then I did it anyway and hid it well Once I turned 18 all bets were off and I didnt hide a thing...went out got peirced and tattooed and guess what...their world didnt end LOL! they still love me

It think experiences are all apart of growing up and becoming the person you are meant to be...I've done some things that werent the smartest of choices but I dont regret a thing.

If anything, I definitely learned that being overprotective can be really dangerous. Thank you for your advice. I just have to remember she will still love me no matter what she says and I am lucky for that!

[Nic902]

Originally Posted by LittleAsianDoll

Thanks ladies!! Your support means so much to me - I had no idea so many people went through the same thing!



If anything, I definitely learned that being overprotective can be really dangerous. Thank you for your advice. I just have to remember she will still love me no matter what she says and I am lucky for that!

Yes she will EVERYONE goes through this with their parents...its totally normal.

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by MuscleMama87

EEEKKK...you have a sticky stituation on your hands...lol...

Me and my mom are really close...she is basically one of my best friends..the only big difference that she and your mom seem to have is the sex thing. My mom was always pretty open about it. However, my mom has her ways...it seems as if I dont do things her way or if she doesnt feel it is my place to do something..then she judges me..it sucks but she does it.

For example..im 22..I dont dress promiscuous..but I also dont dress like a "mom"..whateva the hell that supposed to mean . If I can wear it and im not disrepecting myself in the process..why does it matter what everyone else thinks?? So what! But..to my mom...she cares ALOT about what people think..and what others think are normal..lol

I dont really have an answer for you that would help too much...if you do what you want to do then you may feel like you are disrespecting your mother by disregarding her feelings..and you know that by doing what you want to do will also create drama....maybe even drive a wedge between you two..and I know you dont want that...

Then again you could wait it out about 8months...Im not encouraging you lying to your mother...but youre not happy..and it doesnt seem like you are going out having orgies at the pool..or speed racing on the highway...lol...

You could hide a bit of the reasonable stuff to spare her feelings..I wasnt allowed to date until I graduated..and well..Im married to my high school sweetheart...we started dating when I was 16...hahahahahah

Hope this helps some..I hate to see you like this..let us know what you decide

My problem is I really just don't want to lie... First of all because I don't believe I'm doing anything wrong, and second because I don't want to deceive my mom. I think I have lied to her less than 20 times about who I was with and where I was, and it wasn't worth it because of the anxiety. I guess I'm not a good liar.

LOL! I didn't know about the high school sweetheart thing! That is cute! My mom used to get on to me about what I wore, the makeup, etc., but now she seems so okay with most things.

Thanks, I really appreciate your input!!

[stablesgirl]

My parents were super-strict too - but I know they were just trying to keep me from getting hurt in any way. Even when I got my license they wouldn't let me drive. I had a ridiculous curfew. And talking to my mom about sex was out of the question! She didn't even let me say I was "hot" when the temperature was up. She'd correct me and say, "no, you're too warm." So, let me just say that I feel your pain!

I can't say what is right or wrong for you to do, but I'll tell you what I did. I stuck it out. I obeyed their rules. I didn't sneak around or lie. I was also bored a lot on Friday nights. But when I left for college at 17 I was free and I did what I pleased. I found out what I wanted wasn't all that crazy. I could stay out late and not really do anything wrong -- I never really went nuts. I didn't drink until I was 21, and even then just a little. I waited to have sex until I was married... also at 21. That's just me...I'm a shy, conservative person, but I had the freedom to be myself, to make my own choices, and it felt really good.

My mom and I are great now. I have told her she should have loosened up on me, but she still feels she did the right thing. You seem to have a solid understanding of the situation and have a lot of respect for your mom. I'm confident you will make the right call for you. The other girls are right -- she's gonna still love you no matter what.

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by kjdavis

I think mothers often have a hard time distinguishing between boundaries and restrictions. Teaching a daughter to be a strong, independent, and self-assured woman is no easy task. I know that is what your mother wants for you. She conveys it in a way that she doesn't trust kids period. Not just her kids, but all kids. More importantly, she doesn't trust society with her children.

Regardless of what your mother says or does, she is still your mother. You live under her roof, thus she has the right to set rules. If you don't follow them, you know the consequences. There is no other way around it.

However, when it comes to breaking rules and doing things you don't want her to know about... well, I think most teens have done so at some point. Some to greater degrees than other.

My goodness, Jennie. I was such a rebel as a kid. I put myself in so many dangerous situations that I never told my parents about. It is awful to think of as an adult. It is awful to imagine my kids doing what I did. The reason I did these things is because my mother was like yours. I hated watching all of my friends do whatever they wanted and have these wonderfully open relationship with their moms. I felt ostracized.

I talk with my mom about this often now that I am a parent. I still don't tell her all the terribly dangerous things I did, but I have an understand as to why she acted the way she did. She acted out of fear. She didn't know how else to protect me other than to smother me until I could no longer feel like myself.

No one can dictate to you how to behave or act. Just know that you are one lucky kid to be so loved by your family. You are so right. Eight months isn't long at all. When you go off to college, the entire world changes right before your eyes. It is as though you fall asleep and wake up in another dimension. Then you really miss having mom right by your side, but enjoy your freedom all the same.

Boys and driving. Those are definitely things I remember dealing with. Are they really worth getting into trouble over? That is for you to decide. You seem like a very rational, grounded young woman. Much more than most girls I know and even knew as a kid. Heck. way more grounded and mature than I ever was. Just be smart about your choice. Realize that you have a whole life ahead of you to experience a million wonderful new things.

It's hard. I think that mothers and daughters struggle so much during the teen years because woman don't like the idea of someone else stepping into their role. We suddenly become protective of our territory and command control that isn't really necessary. It is a strange Freudian theory.

Hugs. You are such a great daughter. The very idea that you have this internal struggle shows how much respect you have for your mother even though you don't understand her. That is very admirable.

That is too true. My mom even told me that she trusts me and that she knows I'm responsible but doesn't trust anyone else. Even when I was heading out to the gym the other day, "Honey, watch out for those men!"
I said, "mom!"
"Well, you never know..."
Hahaha!

Kellie, you know I always love your insights.

Do you think I will be saving her a lot of trouble if I wait for college until I date (or pierce my ears, or party, or whatever)? The thing is, I think I would still like to call her and tell her if I went on a date with a boy, or if I got my ears pierced. There are some things I would like her to know about me, not every drop of alcohol I might consume (though I don't plan on it) or every party I might go to, but I don't want to be like my brother... She really has a lot of good advice to give about things she is open about. At some point I will date boys openly and do things she doesn't necessarily want me to. And I'm not planning on partying every night or sleeping with random boys or speed racing down the highway. My point is whatever I will do, I don't think I will do anything that I would be ashamed if anyone found out about, but sometimes my mom does try and make me feel that way.

I'm wondering if I just face this head-on right now, that we will have more time to make up while we live together and both get over each other's disagreements.

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by SandyFit

I agree with the above posts. You need to have a sense of self and learn (experience) some things for yourself. That is part of growing up. I was not 100% honest, I really think that most kids aren't. Again it is part of experiencing things for yourself and learning from your mistakes.
I think as long as you are reasonable. I wouldn't suggest all out rebelling (piercing your ears against her wishes). Honestly what is 8 months to wait before you have them pierced? It will make your life eaiser if you try to keep the peace.
I know you love your mom and she will have to learn to accept you...no matter what! Hopefully she will eventually come around!
PS I was 30 when I got my belly button pierced and my dad still had a hard time with it! 7 years later and he is over it! LOL

Wow! haha I love these anecdotes! Fortunately my dad was the one who gave me permission to get a spray tan for Halloween. When I got home, my mom was upset. I didn't know it would bother her too much - oops! She got over that one quick though.

Actually, staying and going to university here is a solid option for me. Cheap, scholarship, place to cook, my favorite gym here. This is why I've been thinking so much lately about the "when."

Do you know what just happened... my dad is here for the holidays. I have a college interview scheduled for tomorrow in the city, and a few days ago we had this conversation:
"Hey mom, I have an interview with Yale on Thursday."
"Ohh! That's great!! Where?"
"Oh, it's in the city." (as nonchalantly as possible- ha!)
Her face just turned stoic, then softened up as she realized, "Your dad is going to be here. He can take you."
"I'm thinking I want to go alone... "
"NO. It is dangerous. You will NOT be driving alone."
"I don't need dad stressing me out before I go on an interview."
"You will NOT be driving alone."
I didn't say anything.

Anyway, he is here tonight. And we were talking about the interview. My dad asked me if I needed him to take me, and I said, "I kind of want to go alone," with my mom objecting in the background, he says, "Oh, haha, you don't want me there? You know where it is?" "Yup." "Okay." Then she was totally okay with it. Wow, this is why you have two parents LOL!

So right now he is my shining beacon of hope. I talked to him a few months ago and he says he completely trusts me and that I can date whoever I want, whenever I want to. But still, he isn't here most of the time to stick up for me, and my mother can be stubborn about things. We are really, really peaceful except for those two things, it seems. We just talked for an hour straight on the way to the airport... Sometimes I feel like I could tell her anything....

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by stablesgirl

My parents were super-strict too - but I know they were just trying to keep me from getting hurt in any way. Even when I got my license they wouldn't let me drive. I had a ridiculous curfew. And talking to my mom about sex was out of the question! She didn't even let me say I was "hot" when the temperature was up. She'd correct me and say, "no, you're too warm." So, let me just say that I feel your pain!

I can't say what is right or wrong for you to do, but I'll tell you what I did. I stuck it out. I obeyed their rules. I didn't sneak around or lie. I was also bored a lot on Friday nights. But when I left for college at 17 I was free and I did what I pleased. I found out what I wanted wasn't all that crazy. I could stay out late and not really do anything wrong -- I never really went nuts. I didn't drink until I was 21, and even then just a little. I waited to have sex until I was married... also at 21. That's just me...I'm a shy, conservative person, but I had the freedom to be myself, to make my own choices, and it felt really good.

My mom and I are great now. I have told her she should have loosened up on me, but she still feels she did the right thing. You seem to have a solid understanding of the situation and have a lot of respect for your mom. I'm confident you will make the right call for you. The other girls are right -- she's gonna still love you no matter what.

Wow, I respect you so much!! I seriously don't know what I would do without my car. I also don't think I will go nuts, LOL! It doesn't appeal to me, and I don't care about spiting my mother. I'm 17 right now, just like you were!

I can't tell what the rules are at this point. My dad seems to have a very defined lax set, and my mom an undefined strict set. I don't know what to follow, though I know what I WANT to follow, haha.

[Nic902]

Originally Posted by LittleAsianDoll

Wow, I respect you so much!! I seriously don't know what I would do without my car. I also don't think I will go nuts, LOL! It doesn't appeal to me, and I don't care about spiting my mother. I'm 17 right now, just like you were!

I can't tell what the rules are at this point. My dad seems to have a very defined lax set, and my mom an undefined strict set. I don't know what to follow, though I know what I WANT to follow, haha.

My parents we the opposite...my dad was SUPER strict and my mom was more easy going. She would help me lie to my dad...if he had it his way I would have been looked in my room wearing a chastity belt until I was 50...and I am not being dramatic. He was THAT over protective.

[beautyinprogress]

I am 29 and my mom and I still don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I was like stablesgirl as a teen. My parents had so many rules and regulations that I just didn't go anywhere or do anything in H.S. and spent many a boring Friday night at home or working.I also lived at home in college because that was the only way to avoid student loans, and they made my life hell,especially my mom. It got to the point where I'd check her work schedule and plan my time at home around the time she wasn't at home. We were both miserable with each other. So I guess my point is that at some point you have to reach a compromise or no one is happy.

My mom's big thing was sex too. She had me at 21 and my brother at 23 and so she basically scared the hell out of me about sex, and I was 25 years old and out of college before I lost my virginity because she had me so messed up about it....

I know I didn't give you any advice at all on how to handle this situation, but I hope I made you feel like you're not the only one to go through this with your mom....

Even now I'm 29 and she's 50, we still can't be around each other for more than 48 hours before we start fighting....

Originally Posted by LittleAsianDoll

That is too true. My mom even told me that she trusts me and that she knows I'm responsible but doesn't trust anyone else. Even when I was heading out to the gym the other day, "Honey, watch out for those men!"
I said, "mom!"
"Well, you never know..."
Hahaha!

Kellie, you know I always love your insights.

Do you think I will be saving her a lot of trouble if I wait for college until I date (or pierce my ears, or party, or whatever)? The thing is, I think I would still like to call her and tell her if I went on a date with a boy, or if I got my ears pierced. There are some things I would like her to know about me, not every drop of alcohol I might consume (though I don't plan on it) or every party I might go to, but I don't want to be like my brother... She really has a lot of good advice to give about things she is open about. At some point I will date boys openly and do things she doesn't necessarily want me to. And I'm not planning on partying every night or sleeping with random boys or speed racing down the highway. My point is whatever I will do, I don't think I will do anything that I would be ashamed if anyone found out about, but sometimes my mom does try and make me feel that way.

I'm wondering if I just face this head-on right now, that we will have more time to make up while we live together and both get over each other's disagreements.

I don't know your mother, but I think in general, mother's shift roles when their daughters go off to college. Yes, she will still be protective, but she will let go a little as well. She may not want you to bring a boy home for the right away, but she will probably be a little more open to discuss a few thngs with you.

[sneezingstardust]

I know 100% how you're feeling, love...except with me, it's my DAD! Which I think in a way is even more difficult because he's a guy... which = less relation. I'm still dealing with trying to understand his reasonings myself.

Pretty much everything I had to say...well...has been said! The ladies here are so smart Hang in there, hun!

[Mloveb]

LAD, I am sorry about your situtation you sound like you respect your mother and this is what is holding you back.
I don't think you should tell your mother honestly, it sounds like you've said your piece. Parents keep things from us all the time, even as adults, to protect our hearts and you can afford her the same. Obviously, these things hurt her, it sounds almost like she isn't ready for you to grow up.
There a few things my mom said no to, I wasn't allowed to get my bellybutton pierced or tats, my curfew was 9:30 and I was allowed to stay at friends and boys houses as long as she knew the parents and had a ph# to get a hold of me at all times. My mom said about bellybutton second earpiercing and tattoo was if you want them when you are out of my house get them. I have gotten them and she says wow so you really did want all those things, I waited a long time because my mom said no so I wanted to be sure I really wanted these things and it wasn't a teenage angst thing, which I never really wen through and it sounds like you don't either.

Your leaving home soon and will techinally be on your own. Somethings are better kept unsaid even though your moving out and will be on your own, I think somethings are better kept from parents, to keep from hurting them. They protect you and you protect them. Haha well this is my relationship with my mom she is my best friend but when it comes to my illnesses and out of $$ I keep those from her until they are over. My decision to get implants next year, she doesn't know. I asked her about hers and all she said was you don't want those. So when I get them she'll know afterward because it's just not something she wants for me.

Anyway, good luck with your decision. Your such a smart girl with a level head. You'll make what you feel is the right decision.

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by beautyinprogress

I am 29 and my mom and I still don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I was like stablesgirl as a teen. My parents had so many rules and regulations that I just didn't go anywhere or do anything in H.S. and spent many a boring Friday night at home or working.I also lived at home in college because that was the only way to avoid student loans, and they made my life hell,especially my mom. It got to the point where I'd check her work schedule and plan my time at home around the time she wasn't at home. We were both miserable with each other. So I guess my point is that at some point you have to reach a compromise or no one is happy.

My mom's big thing was sex too. She had me at 21 and my brother at 23 and so she basically scared the hell out of me about sex, and I was 25 years old and out of college before I lost my virginity because she had me so messed up about it....

I know I didn't give you any advice at all on how to handle this situation, but I hope I made you feel like you're not the only one to go through this with your mom....

Even now I'm 29 and she's 50, we still can't be around each other for more than 48 hours before we start fighting....

My god! Your situation really gives me perspective... I mean, my case is mild at best compared to yours. Fighting all the time, that's exactly what I'm afraid of. So you never went against her will? Do you regret that?

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by sneezingstardust

I know 100% how you're feeling, love...except with me, it's my DAD! Which I think in a way is even more difficult because he's a guy... which = less relation. I'm still dealing with trying to understand his reasonings myself.

Pretty much everything I had to say...well...has been said! The ladies here are so smart Hang in there, hun!

It's really surprising that she can be pretty irrational about these kinds of things whereas everywhere else in life she's amazing and I agree with her, look to her for advice, etc. I guess the parenting/protective factor is throwing her off? Anyway, thanks Christine!

[LittleAsianDoll]

Originally Posted by kjdavis

I don't know your mother, but I think in general, mother's shift roles when their daughters go off to college. Yes, she will still be protective, but she will let go a little as well. She may not want you to bring a boy home for the right away, but she will probably be a little more open to discuss a few thngs with you.

She is already a great mother and I am expecting far too much, I think.
In one way I can't wait until I'm a mom and get to discuss mom-y stuff with her.

I've been feeling pretty liberated lately as I'm coming to terms with the fact that even if she thinks something is "bad" and I do it, and don't view it that way, I'm not a bad person.