Join today and start a FREE online personal health or exercise journal. You can also Sign Up To become a VIP member and remove all ads when browsing this website.
This is a discussion on Breaking the Female Athletic Triad within the You're Not Alone! forums,----- I've been doing 1-3 hours of cardio a day for several years. I started taking 1 day off a year ...
I've been doing 1-3 hours of cardio a day for several years. I started taking 1 day off a year ago, but before that I missed a day every few months. At least an hour and a half of this is intense (stairs, running, spinning, heavy elliptical). I lift heavy 3 days a week.
I have eaten between 900-1200 calories a day for over a year. I had a few treats (squash, chicken, nuts, chocolate) that might have pushed me to 1500 calories, but otherwise nothing. I track what I eat and measure it and can promise that if I ever went higher than 1500 it was in lettuce.
I'm in therapy for an eating disorder but I'm scared to stop this. I don't want to get fat. I have never not done this. As a kid I would eat more but I exercised even more. I noticed a lot of you girls on here have gone through this and come out eating more and exercising less and weighing the same.
How? I'm scared I will do this wrong and end up even more miserable than I am.
I am sorry you are going through this....It can be so scary to change what you've been doing for so long. I know it can be overwhelming to change everything over night...I was in a similar place as you several years ago, so I would suggest slowing increasing the calories each week and instead of stopping all cardio at once (I know thats hard mentally) try cutting back a little each day.
All small steps will lead you in the right direction. We're all here to support you
The Following User Says Thank You to Nic902 For This Useful Post:
Wow, I am so sorry for what you are going through now. I am sure it is very difficult, yet you have taken a HUGE step in identifying and asking for help.
Baby steps... that is the key. We r here for you!
The Following User Says Thank You to fit mom of 4 For This Useful Post:
I've been doing 1-3 hours of cardio a day for several years. I started taking 1 day off a year ago, but before that I missed a day every few months. At least an hour and a half of this is intense (stairs, running, spinning, heavy elliptical). I lift heavy 3 days a week.
I have eaten between 900-1200 calories a day for over a year. I had a few treats (squash, chicken, nuts, chocolate) that might have pushed me to 1500 calories, but otherwise nothing. I track what I eat and measure it and can promise that if I ever went higher than 1500 it was in lettuce.
I'm in therapy for an eating disorder but I'm scared to stop this. I don't want to get fat. I have never not done this. As a kid I would eat more but I exercised even more. I noticed a lot of you girls on here have gone through this and come out eating more and exercising less and weighing the same.
How? I'm scared I will do this wrong and end up even more miserable than I am.
Please help!
effort- without sounding completely cliche- this is the first day of the rest of your life. you know what you're doing isn't conducive to a healthy body. you know that you aren't part of an 'elite' that can manage so much with so little fuel. you know that you have just as an unhealthy relationship with your body as a ten-tonne, mcdonald's-eating, cupcake-stuffing woman.
i was- am to a certain degree (good and bad weeks)- in the same boat. read my post in 'food' (no more calorie counting). you'll make progress, then probably knock back, then come back fighting. but each time you bounce back, you'll have a little bit extra determination to end the turmoil.
read the post by sneezingstardust in the same thread. print it. reread it. i don't usually do the whole 'pep talk' thing, but this post kicked me up the behind so much (recent slip with progress) that it's saved on my phone.
good luck
The Following User Says Thank You to kittiwake For This Useful Post:
effort- without sounding completely cliche- this is the first day of the rest of your life. you know what you're doing isn't conducive to a healthy body. you know that you aren't part of an 'elite' that can manage so much with so little fuel. you know that you have just as an unhealthy relationship with your body as a ten-tonne, mcdonald's-eating, cupcake-stuffing woman.
i was- am to a certain degree (good and bad weeks)- in the same boat. read my post in 'food' (no more calorie counting). you'll make progress, then probably knock back, then come back fighting. but each time you bounce back, you'll have a little bit extra determination to end the turmoil.
read the post by sneezingstardust in the same thread. print it. reread it. i don't usually do the whole 'pep talk' thing, but this post kicked me up the behind so much (recent slip with progress) that it's saved on my phone.
good luck
Thank you.
What is so hard is that I know all of that. I am just scared. So scared. I havent not dieted since I was 11. I am now in my mid 20s.
I am scared that my fear will always own me. And if I break through and make change and find I am miserable, what then? I have tried before. I really tried, but I failed. I was miserable and puffy.
Also, thank you fit mom and nic, it feels really good to get your support without any judgment!
i can't tell you how much i associate with this. really. we all think that our battle is unique, and to a certain degree it is. but enough of it is felt by many, many people that they can help us- if we let them.
don't let anybody make you run before you can walk. but equally, don't put the brakes on your progress.
it's a simple statement but just remember the following:
being fat would require you to eat so much that you are stuffed. not pleasantly full, stuffed. And you're never going to let that be you are you? So no worries right?
I know I'm simplifying it, and I know that rationally you know it all already. It's just consistanly believing it. And you won' be consistant. You'll have moments where you can't do it. But seize the opportunities when you CAN do it. With each of those moments, you'll realise that- oh, that extra crumb didn't make me balloon. It sounds like I'm mocking you by saying 'crumb', but I even used to think that I was 'pigging out' if I ate the crumbs that fell of as I ate, as if it was some kind of divine intervention that they weren't reaching my mouth.
I even used to think that touching chocolate or food would seep through my skin and make me fat that way.
And I'm an educated person. A rational, logical, educated person.
Where does that kind of thought fit in with the description of myself? It doesn't. Because it isn't who I am. I'm more than that.
I sound strong- I'm not, I struggle every single day. Once breakfast is done, I'm anxious to reach lunch, and dinner and bed. Just to know that my day has gone OK. But at least I'm eating. At least I'm nourishing my brain, so that I get even more educated, to the level where I'm confident enough in myself that I don't need to keep proving that I am good at something, anything, like starving myself.
You'll get there. Just keep loving who you are and who you become in the process.
i can't tell you how much i associate with this. really. we all think that our battle is unique, and to a certain degree it is. but enough of it is felt by many, many people that they can help us- if we let them.
don't let anybody make you run before you can walk. but equally, don't put the brakes on your progress.
it's a simple statement but just remember the following:
being fat would require you to eat so much that you are stuffed. not pleasantly full, stuffed. And you're never going to let that be you are you? So no worries right?
I know I'm simplifying it, and I know that rationally you know it all already. It's just consistanly believing it. And you won' be consistant. You'll have moments where you can't do it. But seize the opportunities when you CAN do it. With each of those moments, you'll realise that- oh, that extra crumb didn't make me balloon. It sounds like I'm mocking you by saying 'crumb', but I even used to think that I was 'pigging out' if I ate the crumbs that fell of as I ate, as if it was some kind of divine intervention that they weren't reaching my mouth.
I even used to think that touching chocolate or food would seep through my skin and make me fat that way.
And I'm an educated person. A rational, logical, educated person.
Where does that kind of thought fit in with the description of myself? It doesn't. Because it isn't who I am. I'm more than that.
I sound strong- I'm not, I struggle every single day. Once breakfast is done, I'm anxious to reach lunch, and dinner and bed. Just to know that my day has gone OK. But at least I'm eating. At least I'm nourishing my brain, so that I get even more educated, to the level where I'm confident enough in myself that I don't need to keep proving that I am good at something, anything, like starving myself.
You'll get there. Just keep loving who you are and who you become in the process.
Thank you for sharing that. It helps to hear some else going through the same thing (but a little further on teh path to health).
Trusting hunger and satiety is such a terrifying thought to me.
Same with exercising less. Even though I'm very well read and well researched and have spent countless hours trying to challenge my eating disorder, I feel like I'm just too scared to make any big changes.
But your post did just spark a little flame inside me! I plan on rereading it a lot in the coming days.
It helps to hear some else going through the same thing (but a little further on teh path to health).
Talking about this is SO important! I didnt for years thinking 1, I didnt have a problem and 2, that nobody else could understand. But, you arent alone...many women here have been in your shoes. We are all here to support you on your journey to health
The other ladies are covering the support part very nicely...Im just going to be lazy for now and second them both. And also add a teeny little bit that really helped me in the way I look at food...
Your diet is not what you are restricted to eating. It's not the foods you can't eat or what youre not allowed to have. Your diet is what you eat in order to give your body the strength and ability to do what YOU WANT TO DO in life.
And then you've gotta consider your diet... are you eating enough and of the best qualities of foods to allow your body to perform at its best?
(and actually, that may be jumping ahead to jogging, past your walking... but I'll post anyway, maybesomeone else can look at it and gain a different perspective :P )
Your diet is not what you are restricted to eating. It's not the foods you can't eat or what youre not allowed to have. Your diet is what you eat in order to give your body the strength and ability to do what YOU WANT TO DO in life.
And then you've gotta consider your diet... are you eating enough and of the best qualities of foods to allow your body to perform at its best?
Its all about changing ones perspective on food....for me, I had to stop seeing food as something I HAD to have to live(when I eating the bare minimum) and see it as fuel to reach my goals.
I really appreciate the support, sort of reminds me of an eating disorder therapy support group I used to attend
However, I was actually hoping for some of you ladies to offer up your own experiences in breaking the cycle and how you did so without gaining a ton. I know every body is different and everyone's recovery is not the same. I just would like to learn from some of your experiences. What worked and what did not?
You just have to do it, but do it slowly a few hundred calories a week (add 100 cals every 3-4 days).... What's your diet like now? Do you eat healthy foods atleast or are you eating processed foods for the most part?
If you are eating processed foods, start switching to clean foods (whole, natural foods.. the less ingredients listed on the box, the better it is for you - some people make rules that state if there are any words on an ingredient list they can't pronounce, they wont eat it, easy, right?). There are guides on this site, but a few examples are:
Chicken breast
Tuna
Lean beef
Tilapia
Veggies (Broccoli, spinach, etc)
Oats
Brown rice
potatoes (sweet, irish, among others)
fruits
Things to avoid:
most breakfast cereals (frosted flakes, fruitty pebbles, flavored oats)
Candies, cakes
hot dogs
deli lunch meat (oscar meyer stuff! lol)
white breads (very processed, almost no nutritional value compared to true whole wheats)
But it's really a mental battle more than anything. Youve got tomake sure you know youre not helping yourself eating too little and doing waytoo much cardio.
I've been in support groups and I've worked with ED nutritionists. I know that stuff.
I was actually looking for personal stories of how others made the switch. How they programmed it to keep their anxiety on the lower end and weight change less dramatic.
I've been in support groups and I've worked with ED nutritionists. I know that stuff.
I was actually looking for personal stories of how others made the switch. How they programmed it to keep their anxiety on the lower end and weight change less dramatic.
i put all my trust in my mom. i figured that as i'd never been an overweight child, she hadn't been the one who had been responsible for me putting on the pounds at 16 that made me feel chubby (i wasn't) and want to 'get healthy' and 'better at my sport' by 'leaning out' (i.e. one-way path to self destruction when i was no longer a natural a-grade student but could at least lose weight well).
it had been me that had done that to my body. the 'discovery' of alcopops and cheesy chips. not mom.
i became a little girl again. with the exception of breakfast (i used a glass, made sure mom knew the size, filled it with muesli so it was level, filled a mug that mom knew the size of with milk and poured it on), mom controlled every meal. i was at school but met her every day for lunch, she said what i'd have. i trusted her. i had to.
gradually i started to make choices for myself. first, these were done with mom asking 'do u want zucchini or carrots', small decisions like that. then it was 'potato and baked beans or would you prefer some salmon and foccacia?' eventually, i felt that so long as mom knew what i was eating it was ok. my main thing had been binges in secret after long periods of starvation so i think i felt that if i had chocolate and she knew about it, if i ballooned then she would know why and be able to help me.
i basically treated her as a permissive authority to say it was ok to eat, no that's not going to hurt me. but as i said, my main thing was that she knew what i was having, how much and when. i used to not even eat my evening snack if she'd fallen asleep as i was scared she'd think i hadn't had it, that i'd then put on weight and she'd give me bigger portions and i balloon.
if she verified and watched every morsel, then she'd know how much went in and be able to tweak it. i didn't have anything without her knowing.
hope that's some insight at least, feels weird saying it all again. even now, i can't 'let' myself have chocolate unless i'm sat in front of her. and if i make a breakthrough (like having 2 whole eggs, not just whites) i always tell her. just to check her reaction is ok.
xxxx
The Following User Says Thank You to kittiwake For This Useful Post:
i put all my trust in my mom. i figured that as i'd never been an overweight child, she hadn't been the one who had been responsible for me putting on the pounds at 16 that made me feel chubby (i wasn't) and want to 'get healthy' and 'better at my sport' by 'leaning out' (i.e. one-way path to self destruction when i was no longer a natural a-grade student but could at least lose weight well).
it had been me that had done that to my body. the 'discovery' of alcopops and cheesy chips. not mom.
i became a little girl again. with the exception of breakfast (i used a glass, made sure mom knew the size, filled it with muesli so it was level, filled a mug that mom knew the size of with milk and poured it on), mom controlled every meal. i was at school but met her every day for lunch, she said what i'd have. i trusted her. i had to.
gradually i started to make choices for myself. first, these were done with mom asking 'do u want zucchini or carrots', small decisions like that. then it was 'potato and baked beans or would you prefer some salmon and foccacia?' eventually, i felt that so long as mom knew what i was eating it was ok. my main thing had been binges in secret after long periods of starvation so i think i felt that if i had chocolate and she knew about it, if i ballooned then she would know why and be able to help me.
i basically treated her as a permissive authority to say it was ok to eat, no that's not going to hurt me. but as i said, my main thing was that she knew what i was having, how much and when. i used to not even eat my evening snack if she'd fallen asleep as i was scared she'd think i hadn't had it, that i'd then put on weight and she'd give me bigger portions and i balloon.
if she verified and watched every morsel, then she'd know how much went in and be able to tweak it. i didn't have anything without her knowing.
hope that's some insight at least, feels weird saying it all again. even now, i can't 'let' myself have chocolate unless i'm sat in front of her. and if i make a breakthrough (like having 2 whole eggs, not just whites) i always tell her. just to check her reaction is ok.
xxxx
First off - Thank You for sharing that!!
It actually doesn't sound weird to me. Were you doing formal Maudsley treatment or was this just something you worked out with your mom?
ah she is no not maudsley. i tried counselling and hated it so did 3 sessions (very grudgingly, i'm not a confrontational person but i hated the way i felt she was trying to blame 'someone' or 'something' for triggering it all so walked out on about 2 of those occasions...)
it was a suggestion by my doctor.
The Following User Says Thank You to kittiwake For This Useful Post:
I used to be very heavy into a starve/binge/over cardio cycle...it took years of educating myself and changing my thought patterns. I would eat only a few peices of fruit for a few days, then have a massive binge and do HOURS of cardio daily to avoid getting 'fat'...but I was still depressed and unhappy with myself. After reading/educating myself on how distructive my behavior was, I slowly increased my cals, stopped fearing carbs and cut back on cardio to focus more on weight training...it did not happen overnight, and I had many of slips along the way. Even now, I still struggle with ocassional binges but I no longer starve/over exercise to 'make up' for it...I KNOW that isnt the answer.
Now, I LOVE weight training and try to avoid doing cardio...I also, hate to miss a meal, I like to keep my body fueled and I know I am now at my best. It is a long road and I am still learning daily to deal with the mental reasoning behind my behavior.
You will get there too...Take it one step at a time
Breaking the Female Athletic Triad
3 days a week.
Linear Mode
