How to Move on

[firespinner93]

There are times that i am completely overwhelmed by some of the hurtful things that have happened in my past. While I am not harboring ill will towards anyone, I don't think it's necessary or healthy to relive all of this stuff. The problem is, I don't really know how to make it stop. Does anyone have advice on changing this sort of mindset? I would really love to move on, but I keep finding myself right back in that well worn rut.

[beautyinprogress]

Without knowing the particulars of your situation the best thing I can suggest if find a 3rd party to help you out...I've recently looked into counselors/Counseling for myself knowing that I need that extra help. (I'm in the process of finding one that works for me)

Personally within the last year I've made a conscious effort to go to church (new man wanted me to go with him) and I dragged my feet for months but finally agreed and it has helped me tremendously. I go to a non denominational church with a young pastor and very little dogma.

I've gotten to the point where I'm realizing that I can't help myself and that others can help me....

Just my 2 cents....

[Mloveb]

I was abused sexually and mentally by both my father and my ex husband. Anyone that asks me how I have gotten over it and forgave them and how I am not a very depressed person I tell them this. It's as simple as getting up everyday and making the choice to live my life. It's my choice to wake up every day being happy. It's my choice that is something reminds me of the abuse that I went though to forgive. It's also my choice to know it was nothing I am or did made them be that way to me, that they are just people whom need to work on themselves.
I don't let my past effect my future my future is the place where good things happen and I don't ever thing anything I did is the "reason" for bad things in my life. That is just life good things happen and bad things happen to both good and bad people.

I also tried closure. I tried to talk to them to "forgive" them. That went pretty bad, it made me feel better but they never thought they did anything wrong.

Everyone heals differently, what worked for me may not work for you.

[mattsmom]

Originally Posted by beautyinprogress

I've gotten to the point where I'm realizing that I can't help myself and that others can help me.....

I agree. If you feel that you are unable to help yourself then seek out someone who can.

[firespinner93]

Originally Posted by Mloveb

I was abused sexually and mentally by both my father and my ex husband. Anyone that asks me how I have gotten over it and forgave them and how I am not a very depressed person I tell them this. It's as simple as getting up everyday and making the choice to live my life. It's my choice to wake up every day being happy. It's my choice that is something reminds me of the abuse that I went though to forgive. It's also my choice to know it was nothing I am or did made them be that way to me, that they are just people whom need to work on themselves.
I don't let my past effect my future my future is the place where good things happen and I don't ever thing anything I did is the "reason" for bad things in my life. That is just life good things happen and bad things happen to both good and bad people.

I also tried closure. I tried to talk to them to "forgive" them. That went pretty bad, it made me feel better but they never thought they did anything wrong.

Everyone heals differently, what worked for me may not work for you.

I understand this on an intellectual level, but the translation from theory to practice is not going so well. I need to stop the back story from replaying over and over. When I catch it, I consciously change my thought patterns, but it seems like I change my thoughts and two minutes later I am right back in that old well worn rut of thoughts.

I did the closure thing with one person in my life. It went about as well as it did for you. I am also really working on what I choose to allow into my life. That is going very well, but it seems like the last dregs (the bad memories) of the past are hanging on with everything they've got.

Sweet lady, just remember that everything happens for a reason. I didn't make the wisest choices and had some pretty down right awful things happen in my life.

Don't ever allow events to create or define you. Allow them to shape who you are by the lessons they teach you. Remember that you are not these events, nor are you the outcome. You are only a mere faction in these acts. Take each part and really analyze why it happen. Understand what compelled you to take part in this action either voluntary or involuntary.

The most important thing is to understand the core of your angst. You must know why it exists, not just of its existence. I seriously struggled with male issues until I was about 26 years old. Really struggled. It took me 26 years to realize why they existed. I reflected back upon my life and the relationship I had with the men in my family. I then realized why I had the issues I did with men.

most of our unconscious reasoning stems from childhood or traumatic events. It may be something repressed or even subconsciously altered in order to help you cope. If you learn to defragment these repressed issues, then you can start moving forward.

I don't know what triggers your ability to do this. It happens to different people in different ways. It amy be triggered by photos, words, songs. My mother just now started remember repressed memories from her childhood that trigger certain actions and emotions in her life. she doesn't know why it is happening, now, but it is.

Hugs. You will get through this. Know that the past and future do not exist. You must live in the now.

[eyesontheprize]

I understand it being hard to translate theory into actually doing it! Talking to counselors helped me, too. A time came when the light bulb came on. There is no shame in reaching out for help! Good friends and family, and the gals on here are great, but if you haven't, I'd try a professional, too. Why not? Right? You've got your whole life ahead of you! And it can be as wonderful as you want it to be! Don't short-change yourself by letting the past get the better of you. Exhaust all avenues of help, you owe it to yourself! And you are worth it!