On January 14th, a young high school girl in Massachusetts responded to months of torment and abuse from fellow classmates by hanging herself in a stairwell. 15-year-old Phoebe Prince suffered unimaginable bullying from 9 classmates dubbed “The Mean Girls” including complaints of statutory rape, violation of civil rights, criminal harassment, and stalking.

All charges were ignored and no punishment was set forth against her violators by school officials.

Phoebe’s aunt allegedly warned the school prior to her enrollment that her niece was susceptible to bullying and needed looking after.  The school was also warned about patterns of abuse in schools that Phoebe attended in Ireland.

It's too late for Phoebe, an innocent victim of relentless abuse. But it isn't too late for your children!

Bullying Leading to Suicide is Common

Sadly, Phoebe is not the first case of extreme bullying leading to suicide of a teen. In 2008, 15-year old freshman of Vasquez High School in California shot himself in the head while in the school bathroom after months of torment from other students.

Bullying lead Carl Walker-Hoover of Springfield, MA to take his own life at the age of 11 after daily taunting of being gay. Two weeks after Carl died, 17-year old Eric Mohat took his own life after being urged to do so by bullies.

Bullying is Often Overlooked

This phenomenon, known as “bullycide,” is all too common according to a study performed at Yale University in 2008. The study found that victims of bullying are 2 to 9 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than other children. These children are driven beyond the ability to cope with systematic abuse and threats, seeing suicide as the only escape from torture.

Bullying is often dismissed as a ‘rite of passage’ in the world of children, and kids are told to toughen their skin and avoid tattling on other kids. The truth is, bullying is one of the most harmful acts students commit and seriously threatens the lives of children daily. Not only are children physically assaulted, but they also witness a devastating impact on their social and psychological well-being.

Parental and School Involvement

No child should have to succumb to the abuse that Phoebe or any of these countless other children witnessed, nor should any parent fear sending a child to school unprotected. Lack of community in schools causes tension between not only the students, but also the parents and teachers.

PTA organizations meet on a monthly basis to discuss fundraisers, plan events, and decide how and when to spend funds. However, strong issues like bullying and safety are seldom addressed.

Bullying should be addressed seriously and often during and after school. Teachers and parents should have the right to address concerns and be taken seriously when a child feels threatened. A child should also feel safe when telling an adult that he or she feels threatened, and know that they will be protected from harm.

Often, targets of bullying are dismissed or not taken seriously. They’re even afraid to approach authority for fear of being seen and “ratting out” the bully.  If no outcome arises from the confessed harassment, a likely reprisal from the bully will follow.

Cyber Bullying

Bullying not only needs to be addressed on school campuses, but also at home. The Internet opened up a whole new realm for torment with what is known as ‘cyber bullying.’  Bullying often follows students home through social networking sites, cell phones, or other electronic devices. Situations occur when children are repeatedly tormented or harassed through texting, emailing, instant messages, and social media forums.

Who is at risk of bullying?

Neil Marr and Tim Field, the pioneers who began Bullyonline.org, define a victim of bullying as one who “has a very low propensity to violence and a mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue rather than violence.”  They believe that bullies exploit these cherished values, and torment their victims until anger builds up inside and the victim becomes explosive with anger. Often this anger is self-inflicted, leading to depression, self-inflicted harm, and even suicide.

How can you help?

Effective anti-bullying programs involve everyone in the community. Parents, students, teachers, and faculty alike all need to take a responsible roll when protecting children from harassment. Bullying is non-biased and can happen in any school to any child.

Begin speaking to your children about fairness and kindness at a very young age. Make them aware of what bullying is by the second or third grade, and teach them important lessons about citizenship, violence, and conflict-resolution.

Teachers should focus on inclusion and avoid separating or excluding children who don’t fit in from activities. Encourage skills that teach children to look after each other and feel empowered when protecting fellow classmates.  Children should learn to stand up for others rather than stand by and watch other get harmed.

Children should also understand that protecting others by telling an adult about bullying is not ‘tattling’ on classmates.  Sticking up for others is a brave and responsible thing to do and should be encouraged to come forward and protect others.

About Kellie

Kellie Davis is a graduate from Florida Gulf Coast University with a B.A. in English. She is now a freelance writer, contributor to the Olicious Life, and NPC figure competitor. She currently resides in Arizona with her husband and two young children.

Kids go through phases of eating, making it difficult to establish healthy eating patterns. One month, they seem to eat everything you place in front of them, while the next month all they want is chicken tenders and grapes.

Of course, picky eating is a control mechanism for kids, providing them the ability to express their desire to have what they want. But, fluctuation in eating patterns might really occur because of changes in your lifestyle that you have yet to recognize.

How busy are you?

Life gets hectic. The older your children are, the more activities you seem to be involved in. Busy schedules often translate to fast methods of feeding. Peanut butter sandwiches in the car between soccer and ballet might become a norm in your household — worse yet, hitting the drive-thru on the way to your next baseball game.

If you are always in a rush to get from point A to Z, then your family’s diet suffers. Have no fear, below are some tips to help you keep your kids eating healthy, and halt the threat of World War III at the dinner table.

Family dinners:

You may not be able to throw together a 5-course dinner every single night, but sitting down with the family is a vital component to healthy eating. It teaches your children that eating is important, and they should take time out of their day to do so. It also allows you that much needed, and often neglected, family time.

Quick tip: if you are running around from activity to activity, then pack a picnic. Arrive to the activity 15 minutes early and set out a blanket and your basket. If your child needs to run off to his game or event, then at least he will have his dinner waiting when he gets back.

Cook at home:

Does the pizza delivery know you by first, where you were born, and that you hate black olives? If so, then dust off your stove and get out those pots and pans. Even if you detest the thought of cooking, you can throw together simple meals that your family will love.

Quick tip: Check out the recipes on Olicious Life to get ideas for quick and easy healthy meals and desserts.

Get your family involved:

Though they fight it, kids actually thrive on responsibility. Instead of kicking them out of the kitchen when you make dinner, had them a list of tasks. Kids love to wash and prepare veggies, set the table, and even help clean up.

Quick tip: Kids are more inclined to eat something if they pick it out and prepare it. Take your kids to the grocer and let them help you decide what’s for dinner.

Make a menu:

After a long day at work, the last thing you want to do when you get home is to think. If you make a weekly, or even monthly menu to follow, then all of your thinking is done for you. Menus also save you money at the grocer because you are less likely to overspend when you shop.

Quick tip: Have at least two nights a week set aside for leftovers. It may work best to cook your largest meals on the weekends, so those on busy weeknights, you can effortlessly throw together something good. Leftovers also make great picnic foods.

As you are reading this article, no less than one in three women you know are experiencing a loss of interest in sex.

“Loss of libido in women, or low sexual desire, is the most common sexual problem for women and the main reason they seek sex therapy,” says Patricia Koch, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Biobehavioral Health & Women’s Studies at Pennsylvania State University and Adjunct Professor of Human Sexuality at Widener University. “It affects anywhere from 33% to 67% of women, depending on how sexual desire is defined and reported,” according to Koch, whose research specializes in loss of libido in women.

It can happen to men, too — but because it only affects about half as many men as women, it is not men’s top sex problem. (See Loss of Libido in Men for more on that.) So what exactly does loss of libido mean for women and why does it happen? WebMD consulted the top experts in the field of sexuality for answers on not only the causes, but the treatments as well.

What Does Loss of Libido Mean?

“Sexual desire is one of the most difficult to define because it is more psychological than physiological,” says Koch, who is also President of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.

Edward Laumann, lead author of The Social Organization of Sexuality, a compendium of survey data on sexual practices in the United States, offers a simple definition: “It is a lack of interest in sex for several months of the past year.”

In short, women know it when they don’t feel it.

Is Loss of Libido in Women Normal?

“Don’t call loss of libido a disorder,” Laumann says. “How can it be a dysfunction if one-third of women, no matter what their age, report that they lose interest?

“This is normal,” he says, and a growing number of researchers concur.

“Low sexual desire is not a disease, it is the understandable result of an imbalance in your life…in your relationship, your life circumstances or your body,” writes Kathryn Hall, Ph.D. in Reclaiming Your Sexual Self: How You Can Bring Desire Back into Your Life.

Just because loss of libido in women is normal and common, however, doesn’t mean you can’t fix it. Many women feel as if they are letting their partners down. They also feel alienated and left out in today’s powerfully sexually-charged world where everyone, from the models in lingerie ads to the doctors on TV, seem to think of little else besides sex. It’s as if “you’re the only one who doesn’t get the joke,” writes Hall.

Even worse, losing interest in sex can mean you miss out on a lot more than simply one of life’s few non-fattening pleasures. It can begin to drain the passion out of the rest of your life, as well.

“I saw this woman [a patient] yesterday — for eight years she had no interest sexually; all she thought about was taking care of her four children and her husband,” says Esther Perel, a couples and family therapist in New York City, and author of Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.

“And then slowly, all the other pleasures went, too. Food. Swimming. Everything about pleasing herself went, one after the other. She was numb,” Perel says.

There are things women can do to rekindle desire and bring passion and pleasure back in their lives. But the first step is to understand why you might be losing interest.

Why Does It Happen? The Causes of Loss of Libido in Women

• Biology plays a significant role in loss of libido.

For women, sex can have serious consequences — a baby to take care of for the next twenty years. Not surprising that females seem hard-wired to approach sex with slightly less abandon than males.

“It’s a control device — pregnancy is a threatening condition for women — it renders them vulnerable, they can’t run from predators,” says Laumann. Men can afford to have sex at any moment, Laumann says — it doesn’t make them vulnerable. But for women it’s much riskier, which can cause loss of libido.

• Socialization in our culture causes loss of libido in women.

If biology doesn’t get you then social standards will.

“We found that the messages women get from society about double standards has a big affect on their sexual desire,” Koch says. “I work with college women, and even though we have Sex and the Cityon TV saying you can be sexual, women still get the message that it is not OK. Men are looked at as studs if they are sexual, but the women are still called sluts.”

• The quality of the relationship affects libido.

“For women, desire is elicited in the connection in the relationship. If we don’t talk and connect, we don’t have sex — for men, they connect in the sex,” explains Perel.

Koch agrees. For women, “it’s not what happens in the bedroom — their desire arises when they are interacting with their partner, just touching, talking, when they go on a hike or a picnic, that starts to get them sexually interested,” Koch says. If the quality of those intimate but nonsexual contacts aren’t being attended to, most women just won’t feel “in the mood.”

• Hormones influence libido.

“Hormonal fluctuations with pregnancy, breast-feeding [resulting in elevated prolactin levels] — and then with perimenopause later in life all can lessen desire,” says Eva Ritvo, MD, Chair at the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral medicine at Mount Sinai Medical Center, Florida, and author of The Concise Guide to Marital and Family Therapy.

Vaginal dryness, which can result from declining estrogen levels, can make sex painful and cause loss of libido. Testosterone levels also affect libido in men and women — and for women that hormone often peaks in their mid-20s and declines from there until menopause, when levels drop dramatically.

• Medical conditions and medications can cause loss of libido.

Depression and the SSRI antidepressants used to treat it can also inhibit desire. So can certain blood-pressure-lowering drugs. Conditions such as endometriosis, fibroids and thyroid disorders can also cause loss of libido in women.

• Changing life stages — and stress — influence libido.

Life changes — especially the birth of a child — can cause a loss of libido in women. “Among women surveyed in their 20s with a child under five or six — their lack of interest doubled and tripled,” Laumann says. “You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out — physical stress and tiredness are big factors.” Other life changes, such as losing a job or watching kids leave the nest, can all trigger stress and dampen libido.

10 Tips for Rekindling Sexual Desire

Remember, frequency is not the measure of a healthy sex drive. Your feelings are what count. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it, before during and after, that is the true measure of libido. Here’s how to help make your love life interesting and satisfying again.

• Try selfishness to boost libido. “The thing that most inhibits desire in women is caretaking — taking care of the kids, taking care of the husband,” says Perel. “Caretaking makes a woman think about others. But if you can’t be selfish — in the most positive terms it is the capacity to be focused on the self in the presence of others — you can’t have an orgasm.”

• Focus on small, private pleasures. For the woman with four kids who came into Perel’s office, feeling asexual and numb to all pleasure, Perel did not recommend going on a date with her husband. She suggested that the woman focus on her own simple pleasures. Hire a babysitter and go to a movie, enjoy a fragrant, leisurely bath — to remind herself she deserves to feel pleasure. Start small and build.

• Reconnect safely and non-sexually to combat loss of libido. For many couples, before you can think about improving the sex, it is important to repair the intimate connection. David Schnarch, director of the Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, CO, and author of Passionate Marriage, recommends the Hug-Until-You-Relax technique. It is simply a long hug, with both partners clothed, lasting 5-to-10 minutes — until you feel relaxed and at peace. This reconnection — “maintaining your sense of self when you are emotionally and physically close to others,” Schnarch says — is the foundation of passion in a relationship.

• Changing the scenery fuels libido in women: Passion feeds on a sense of newness and excitement — boredom is the enemy. “When things get routine it hurts the libido,” says Ritvo. “Get a hotel room, even in your own town, for a night, to spice things up.” Or change rooms in the house — who says lovemaking always has to happen in the bedroom?

• Try self-stimulation to help loss of libido: “Women who are able to masturbate are more likely to be more satisfied with a partner and experience orgasm more consistently,” says Koch. “It is a myth that if women enjoy masturbation, they won’t want a partner — it’s the reverse. You learn what feels good and you can express that to your partner, and guide your partner,” Koch says.

• Talk about what you like and want to boost libido: The worst thing you can do, if you have been avoiding sex together, is to stop talking about it as if the problem will disappear. To keep the distance between you from growing, talk about your willingness to connect. Read sex books together, look at the pictures, laugh — and let your partner know what you’d like him to try with you — next time — to take off any immediate pressure.

• Use lubricants to combat loss of libido in women. Vaginal dryness does not have to get in the way of enjoyment. If you go outside the local pharmacy to a sex shop (see Tip 10), you can find a wide variety of lubricants, in different flavors and aromas. Just shopping for them together can be erotic. Estrogen cream, applied directly into the vagina, can help increase vaginal secretions. Unlike oral estrogens that carry some cancer risks, estrogen creams are considered generally safe. Still, talk with your doctor about whether this treatment might be right for you before trying it.

• Stop worrying about how you look…naked and otherwise. “Research shows that women are harsher on evaluating their own bodies than men are,” Koch says. “Your partner probably finds you more attractive than you think you are.” So relax and be kinder to yourself — enjoy.

• Focus on the whole body to combat loss of libido. Where sexual satisfaction is concerned, paradoxically, the longer, meandering route can be the shortest path to pleasure. Don’t head straight for the genitals — encourage your partner, by example, to tease and take detours. Be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented. Continue to take your time even when you shift gears into a more sexual mode. And remember, it is not only your partner’s job to turn you on, desire should begin with you.

• Have realistic expectations to avoid loss of libido. Be realistic in your expectations. Women can take about three times as long (or longer) to reach orgasm as men and, by some estimates, only “26% of women report that they always have orgasms,” says Laumann. But even without the Big O, women report enjoying the sex and feeling closer to their partner afterwards. So mentally shift gears from Mommy Mode to Sex Goddess Mode. And give yourself permission to try new things — you may surprise yourself. “No absolutes — lingerie, sex toys, pornography — it’s what works and is safe and consensual and pleasing to both partners,” says Ritvo.

The following article originally appeared on Yahoo, and was written by Jessica Ashley.

Is a Parent Responsible for Their Child’s Body Size?

When I read the story all over the news today about the mother arrested and being charged with criminal neglect because her 14-year old son weighs 555 pounds, my heart sank. But I didn’t know what to say or even think about the whole situation.

My heart sank because there is boy who is barely in high school who is living in a body that must be pushed to its limits. Being a teenager is hard enough, and I cannot imagine how physically and emotionally difficult it must be for this kid, who surely cannot participate in many of the activities and opportunities that get teens through those tough years.

His mother, Jerri Gray, says that she did not keep sweets or soda in the house, but admits she left her son home alone often while she worked second-shift or third-shift jobs. She also said she had to bring home fast food for dinner because of her demanding work schedule.

Attorneys for the family said that she did take as many opportunities as she could to treat her son’s obesity. However, South Carolina’s State Department of Social Services pursued custody the boy in foster care after health care providers reported that his mother was not meeting his medical needs. The agency found the boy to be at high risk and placed him in foster care.

The situation was already quite complicated. Under fire in May, Gray fled the state with her son. Once found in Maryland, her son was examined by paramedics and turned over to the state’s Department of Human Resources while Gray was arrested for violation of a custody order.

Although it is reported that Gray did follow the department’s guidelines, it is presumed that the 14-year old eating more than the food she provided for him. Lt. Shea Smith countered that, saying that Gray did not take advantage of all opportunities for her son’s medical care.

Similar cases have been considered in five other states. Family attorneys expressed concern on CNN that this case would open the door for parents to be held legally responsible if their children are eating disordered or even if they become pregnant.

I will be watching with interest to see what happens in this case and what kind of precedent it may set for parents of obese — or starving or pregnant, as the lawyers projected — children. I believe parents are the biggest role models for health and wellness for their children and thereby need to be the most accountable. I’d love to hear this mom say that maybe she didn’t teach him well enough, didn’t provide enough healthy foods for her growing son to thrive. However, I wonder if she, like many parents, was so mired in her responsibilities and work schedule that she just couldn’t. I wonder if she just doesn’t know what to do or how to take on her son’s critical needs.

Who's to blame?

But should she serve time for that? Should she lose custody of her son?

I can’t say. I don’t even know where to stand on the issue. It all seems like too much. It all seems overdone when it could be an opportunity for someone to step in and get this family on an intense program and maybe turn this all around.

Still, my heart sinks for the kid who was already home a lot, who already has a lot to deal with, and now featured all over the Internet and news and may be separated from his mother. Childhood obesity is awful and heart-breaking, yes. But is it criminal?

Most importantly, is he getting the emotional care, counseling, and medical attention social services says he needs while he is in foster care? I’d like to know that.

I’d also like to know the true health status of this 14-year old kid. Does he have any medical complications? How is his blood pressure? Is he sleeping well? Is he active? Is he happy? We can place a lot of assumptions on him by his weight, but I do think there is more here to be considered.

Until then, all we as readers know is that a child is obese and his parent is being charged with unlawful neglect for it. As this case continues to unfold and as this child is in the care of another family, perhaps we need to take the situation personally. Perhaps we need to turn our attention away from the photos of this boy to consider the question seeded by the attorneys. If we are parents, perhaps this is a chance to be self-reflective, and if we are not, perhaps it is a chance to think about how we were raised by asking:

Should a parent be held responsible for their child’s body size?

You’ve set your goal for the year and it probably relates to optimal health. However, say this to your daughter, and the message is decoded as a foggier version of the truth. How is it that our lifestyle choices, healthy though they may seem, can invoke body image and eating disorders in our kids?

When a woman decides to go on a diet, her goal is voiced to her entire entourage. Why wouldn’t it be? Everyone needs to be on-board with your goals in order for you to be successful. Unfortunately, sometimes the terminology used and the actions we take translate to unhealthy habits in our children.

A recent study shows that girls in particular are more likely to be influenced when a mother diets. They pick up on verbal and visual clues and create their very own idea of dieting, which is often distorted. During the study, a five-year old girl responded to her idea of a diet as, “you can’t eat.”

Though you feel that your daughter never listens, she really does pay attention to what you do and say. A mother’s referencing to her own weight issues, diet habits, and desire to change her own body weighs heavy on the mind of her daughter.

She sees and hears more than you think!

Self Image and Dieting

So often dieting goals interfere with self-esteem. Dieting and weight loss conquer our own self-image because it forces us to break down our bad habits and truly see what we don’t like about ourselves. In turn, our diet can become an obsession toward ridding ourselves of the ugly, rather than bringing out what’s beautiful.

Add in all of the other influences that lead to low self-esteem and body image issues, and you may watch your daughter decline into an eating disorder. Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to say that you cannot worry about your own body for the sake of saving your daughter.

The intention is to raise consciousness of how we perceive ourselves.

Perhaps the lesson to take away is a simple as an age-old idiom: practice what you preach. You can’t just tell your daughter to have positive body image, to love herself for who she is, and that beauty lies within — if you don’t truly feel this way about yourself.

You need to truly embrace your own sense of self, and reflect upon your daughter the positivity of healthy living. Don’t focus on your flaws; focus on the benefits of your new positive choices. Think of fat loss, muscle gain, and nicer curves as the added secret perks.

Helping Your daughter See the Beauty Within Herself

• Help her understand that weight gain is a normal part of her body changing.
• Avoid negativity about food, body size, weight, and shape.
• Allow your daughter to be an integral part of healthy choices. Involve her in making decisions about the food she eats and the activities she participates in.
• Compliment her everyday. Compliment her talents, her success, her looks, her personal values, her everything.
• Set boundaries about what she views on television, on the internet, and in magazines. Discuss with her what she sees and her views on these images.
• We can blame the media only so much. It is how we allow our daughters to view the media that really matters.
• Always keep communication lines open with your daughter. Let her know you really understand what she is going through and you are 100% supportive of her.

Contest Dieting

I would like to make a special note about contest dieting. As competitors, we know the effect our diet has on our bodies. We know the numerous supplements taken to give our bodies what our restricted diet lacks.  We also know that our diet can’t last forever if we want to maintain a healthy metabolism.

However, our daughters view this diet very differently. They watch us calculate our macronutrients, measure our portions, and eat a restricted diet like clockwork. Not only do they watch our eating habits, but also our physical changes.

Do you want your child seeing you agonize over every piece of food you eat?

Depending on your daughter’s views, this lifestyle may seem very enticing, or it may completely deter her. It is important for you to be open with her about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Let her know that it is part of the sport, and not part of your daily life.

Discuss with her know about the risk and rewards involved, and how important it is to do everything right. Be supportive when her curiosity is piqued, but don’t give her every detail if she is not interested.  It best not to force her to learn about your dieting, but to make it a part of her normal life.

About Kellie

Kellie Davis is a graduate from Florida Gulf Coast University with a B.A. in English. She is now a freelance writer, contributor to the Olicious Life, and NPC figure competitor. She currently resides in Arizona with her husband and two young children.

Editor’s Note: Alyson Wills is a valued, long-time Olicious Life community member. She is the head concierge of a major hotel chain, and the following is written based upon her insider knowledge on travel and hotel experience.

How to Be a Better Hotel Guest

Let’s just say I am a little fed up with incessant questions, the dead end phone calls, the line cut-ins, the interruptions, making a last minute reservation at a hot spot dinner place on a Friday night for your family of twenty two, or trying to figure out what it is your asking.

I’ve been baffled observing how some of the guests in a hotel can behave. Then I realized something: When are you ever taught how to behave when on vacation? You’re not! Ever. I don’t even think parents tell their kids the most simple rule, mind your manors.

I’ve put together a quick list of  to-dos and not to-dos while traveling. Let’s begin…

Choosing a Destination

Research!

Take time to find out what place suits you the best. Hate the cold? Don’t travel north in the winter. Need time to relax? Then maybe a busy metropolis isn’t the best thing for you. Love to do the ‘tourist’ thing, then be sure you are traveling in peak season when all the attractions are opened.

Do you know how often I’m asked whether an outdoor water attraction is open, on cold and blustery January mornings?! I promptly tell the guest no, it’s only open during our summer season. Then follows the look of despair and something to the effect of, “But that is the only reason we came here!”

If that ride is the only reason you came here, then you should have done the research. If you did, you would’ve planned to travel just a few months earlier when it was open, to avoid any disappointments — and who wants to experience disappointment when on vacation?

Did you really think this would be open in the dead of winter?

Making Your Reservation

First off, make sure to choose the hotel that’s right for you!

Know which hotels cater to families, are best suited for a romantic getaway, or are generally used for business travels. If you know this little piece of information, you’ll likely avoid a disaster.

Just imagine, it’s your first wedding anniversary. Candles, rose petals, champagne… and over 25 screaming and giggling little girls who are booked into your hotel with their Girl Scout Troop.

Disaster. Very avoidable scenario that could have been prevented with a bit of research.

Making a Reservation: The Tips.

• Know the exact date you want to travel, write that date down.

• Write down the price you were quoted from the reservation agent, ask about the package you booked and details on what it includes.

• Take down the agent’s name and the time you were calling.

• Ask the hotel’s details, even if you got it off the website. Be clear on parking charges. Find out whether there’s a valet or a self-park area. Ask how much the tax is in that province or state. Get information on check-in and check-out times and whether early arrivals are welcome. You’ll also want to know when are the busiest hours of the hotel are.

You've got the agent on the phone; ask him questions!

Asking these questions and making note of them will make your arrival and stay as smooth as silk. Also, it will save you time. I’ve had guests who don’t even know if they are at the right hotel!

For example, there are several different hotels in the Hilton Family. Near the hotel where I work, there are three of them. People will show up at ours when they’re booked at the hotel up the street.

Got a business meeting in 10 minutes? Well, let’s just say you’re going to be late!

You Have Arrived!

• Make sure your luggage is packed (in bags or suitcases — I’ve seen clothes everywhere, from laundry baskets to garbage bags!) in an orderly fashion in your car or taxi. This will make it easy to hail a bellman or grab a cart and get them out of there.  Now park your car or have it parked.

• Time to check in! Pull out the email confirmation, the details of your package, and your credit card. Don’t be afraid to clarify with your front desk agent if you have any questions or concerns. Having all this information ready will make for a speedy check in. Five minutes is always better than 20 minutes — or leaving angry or confused.

• Get some pamphlets or informational brochures on restaurants and attractions before you head up to your room. You can peruse them after you’re settled. Then you’ll know exactly where you want to go, or what you want to ask — and that’s important!

• If you received Bell service, be in the room when your luggage arrives. This way you’ll know if there is a bag missing right away, and not three hours later. Most importantly you must tip your Bellman.

Most people say tipping is at your discretion. Well, this man or woman provided you a service, a service that you chose to accept to make your life easier. He or she brought your heavy luggage (not to mention your children’s toys, your extra pillows, and your outerwear) right from your car to your front door.

He took care of your many bags. You take care of his tip.

You have to tip this person — and any person who provided you a service that made your stay easier, for that matter. It doesn’t have to be a lot; just something that shows you acknowledge their efforts and you appreciate them.

Visiting the Information Desk

This is my area of expertise.

• Try not to be too vague with your questions. Asking someone who doesn’t know you from the next person, “What’s good in this town?,” could mean 8 million different things. More than likely the response is not going to be what you wanted to hear.

This would be a better question: “I’m here with my family, including two girls, ages 8 and 10. What are the best attractions for families like ours?”

Perfect. I know exactly where or where not to send you. The best part about that question is that you got what you wanted so you’re satisfied — there was no guessing involved, and you saved yourself some time.

• When making dinner reservations or asking for a recommendation, let the agent know what you are looking to spend, what’s the occasion, and your likes or dislikes (for instance, if you don’t eat meat but like fish, say so!).

This will help him make the perfect recommendation for you. Also — and this is for the sake of the Concierge or guest service agent who is assisting you — know what time you want to eat! I don’t need to hear you discuss with your partner everything you have to do before dinner. Pick a time before you even approach the desk.

I'll make it happen if you're clear about your wants.

Oops! We’ve Got a Problem!

Even the best travelers run into this: You’ve covered all your bases, but the hotel has made an error. It can be very upsetting. You had a perfect evening/weekend/vacation planned, and now your non-smoking room reeks of stale cigarette smoke.

Please let us know right away. We don’t want you to be unhappy, and our job is to accommodate you. Having said that, there’s a right and a wrong way to complain. Here are some tips on doing it properly:

• Never yell or swear. The second you drop the F-bomb or call me names, I stop taking you seriously. Nor do I feel bad for you anymore. Mind your manners.

• Know if you want to be compensated and tell us. This way, we can work out something that is appropriate.

• Speak to the manager on duty directly. This will get the situation resolved in a timely manner and you’ll not have to wait for the agent to get approval from his or her superior.

• And remember, if the “valet” (or whoever) was rude to you, we are very sorry. Most places will tell you that rudness is not tolerated. But the Front Desk agent is being very polite and trying to help you. You shouldn’t take your frustrations out on her, nor should you let it ruin your stay. Take satisfaction in the fact that said hotel employee will  undergo disciplinary action — and enjoy the rest of your stay.

You’re On Vacation!

Enjoy yourself and let us help you do so!

By taking all these tips into consideration, you’re avoiding disaster or disappointment before you even check into the hotel. And when you return home, share with your friends and family your experience — and pass on this article so that they become a ‘smart hotel guest.’

We hope to see you soon.

Time to relax and have fun!

About Alyson

Alyson Wills graduated with honours from the University of Waterloo in Ontario as a History major. She now heads the guest information and services department of a very popular hotel chain in Southern Ontario. Alyson has a passion for fitness, and has competed with the OPA in figure. She aspires to compete again.

REMEMBER

It is not the presents
that are most
important.
It is your

PRESENCE.

It is not for giving
it is forgiving.
Things that matter mostly…
are not ‘things.’

It is the most valuable
of all possessions,
and what I treasure

the most in my life.

TIME

It cannot be replaced.
It cannot be exchanged.
It cannot be measured.
It cannot be bought.

Use yours wisely;
living each minute
in the moments
you are given.

For when looking back,
it is

TIME
you will miss

the most.

SPENDING

LENDING

BORROWED

Use it wisely

Remembrance

My Gift To You

© 12/25/09

by Teri LaFaye

Traditions.

Isn’t that what this time of year is all about? We all grew up doing certain things, and generally tend to carry on the different traditions we’re used to. It’s what makes holidays festive and warm for us all.

Once we’ve moved out of the family homes, many of us try to start our own traditions. I’ve been trying to start my own for years, but haven’t successfully come up with anything that stuck. I was curious to know what everyone else does during the holiday time each year, so I did a search – and came across the following list. I’d love it if you ladies could contribute your own ideas to it!

The following article originally appeared on WholeLiving.com.

Favorite Holiday Traditions

Upside-down Christmas trees, New Year’s Eve eyebrow waxing, Thanksgiving bingo. Since it’s the holidays, we asked you to tell us about the traditions, rituals, and practices you and your loved ones hold dear. Some are funny, others sweet — and each a unique celebration of the time Body+Soul readers share with the people they call family. (We even added a few of our own to the mix!)

Upside-Down Tree

For 12 years, we’ve hung our Christmas tree upside down. There’s no symbolism or reason for it. My mother got inspired one year by the chandeliers in her favorite Chinese restaurant and thought the tree would look pretty that way. My dad drilled holes in the wall in our high-ceilinged living room in New Hampshire, and we strung it up by a wire. We love it so much; we just wouldn’t have it any other way.

– Corinn Dembkoski, Charlestown, Massachusetts

The Cider Press

Every fall, we’d gather at my grandparents’ farmhouse in Millbrook, New York, to make apple cider. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends would come bundled in woolly scarves and warm boots. After picking bushels of apples from the field, we’d take turns cranking the wheel of the cider press, watching as the apples slowly churned into sweet, golden cider. When my grandparents sold their house, my parents continued the special weekend at their place. To this day, it’s one of the traditions I most treasure.

– Alanna Fincke, Belmont, Massachusetts

Teaching Tradition

I wanted to show my daughter what it felt like to give without expecting anything in return. For the past 20 years, we’ve shopped for people whose names we receive from the Salvation Army. Now my daughter has a family of her own, and she still carries on the tradition. My granddaughter gets to pick what she thinks other children need — pencils, crayons, toys. She loves giving things away so much that now it’s hard to make her stop!

– Jerry Kaiwi, Kula, Hawaii

Family Forest

My grandparents owned some land outside of Cleveland with lots of open space and log cabins for camping. They registered as American Tree Farmers, and every year throughout my father’s childhood, he planted pine trees. They’d invite other groups like the Boy Scouts to come join them. I remember as a child running through the forest we had all helped to create.

– Amy Frankel Nau, Wayland, Massachusetts

Bingo Night

On every major holiday and birthday for more than 25 years, we have played bingo. And every Thanksgiving, we use our winnings to donate gifts to a charity that we decide on together.

-Cheryl Padaken, Kihei, Hawaii

Grandma Ariella’s Birthday

My mother died when I was pregnant with my son Ari. I’ve often worried that he’ll associate his grandma with sadness, since I often get emotional when I talk about her. So on her birthday last December, I invited over a few friends and made a cake. After singing “Happy Birthday” to Grandma Ariella, we all blew out the candles. Then we danced around the apartment. From now on, we’ll celebrate his grandma’s birthday with cake and music: Grandma Ariella loved sweets, and man, oh man, could she dance.

– Katherine Rosman, New York City

Milestone Cake

Everyone in my family gets a birthday cake specifically tailored to whatever is going on in his or her life at the time. When my sister Rosie turned 20, she got 20 cupcakes with 20 questions pinned to the bottoms. The answer to each question — “What is bigger than a bread box and smarter than a nail?”; “Who loves the dining hall’s broccoli cheese soup?” — was “Rosie.” One year, my brother, who was into baseball at the time, got a cake of Shea Stadium. My dad got an AARP-card cake when he turned 65. You’re not allowed to eat your cake until you figure out what the theme is — which can be a bit of a challenge, seeing as they’re not professionally done.

– Lizzie Ryan, Chatham, New Jersey

Holiday Beauty Ritual

Every Christmas Eve, I wax my aunts’ eyebrows. I’m not a cosmetologist, but I do think it’s necessary that Aunt Patty, Aunt Ro, and Aunt Janet start the new year looking their best (and with two eyebrows — not just one). The first year I had to chase them around the house with hot wax, but now they look forward to it. Afterward, I give my grandmother a manicure. I paint her nails bright red so she can see them from far away.

– Rachel Angoff, Charlestown, Massachusetts

Coffee With Nic

We lost our 20-year-old son, Marine Lance Corporal Nicholas Sovie, in February 2006, in a helicopter crash during Operation Enduring Freedom. Since then, every Sunday after mass, my husband, Steve, my 17-year-old son, Jesse, and I pick up coffee and head out to the cemetery where Nic is buried. We call it “coffee with Nic.” If the weather’s really bad in the winter, we do a quick drive-by instead — but we always visit. It’s become a very healing and peaceful tradition that we all look forward to.

– Mary Sovie, Ogdensburg, New York

Family Video

When someone in our family celebrates an event (wedding, anniversary, 80th birthday), we create a video for that person. Not just any old video, mind you — a Martin Scorsese-like production (if Scorsese were insane). Each comes complete with song-and-dance numbers, skits, and my dad, who usually ends up in drag. They’re really funny — to us.

– Rachael Combe, New York City

Say Cheese!

Every year on our birthdays, my mom would sneak into our room and take our picture just as we were waking up (“Happy Birthday! It’s your birthday!”). We’d be half-asleep, eyes squinty, hair all crazy. Granted, they weren’t our most attractive moments, but we do have these hysterical pictures of us growing up. And yes, I intend to keep this tradition going when I have kids. Absolutely.

– Hillary Geronemus, Natick, Massachusetts

Ornamental Exchange

Every Christmas, my husband and I buy each other a decoration for the tree. The only criterion? It must be more exotic than the last. Our basic objective is to outdo each other for less than $20. Every year it gets harder. We now have 30 decorations on our tree from all over the world, each with its story of how it came to be.

– Darren and Wendy Tomlin, Bundanoon, Australia

Tuesdays with the Barletts

About seven years ago, my sister and I walked into a local pizza place called Ron’s on a Tuesday and ran into my parents and brother having dinner. From then on, Tuesday became family night at Ron’s. It’s expanded to include everyone, from spouses to nieces and nephews to grandkids to friends. In June 2005, my dad passed away after a long fight with cancer. He made us promise that we’d continue family night, and we have. I imagine we always will.

–Sue Barlett, Miamisburg, Ohio

The more your kids complain about healthy eating, the more isolated you feel.  The words, “I don’t like salad,” or “fish is gross!” screech down your spine like a fork scraping the bottom of a pie tin. You don’t ask much of them at the dinner table. Just the basics: don’t talk with your mouth full, use your napkin — not your shirt, eat your veggies, don’t complain about my cooking, elbows off the table, and use your utensils, not your hands.

Wow, if we really think about it, dinnertime is a chore in itself. Add in a healthy meal, and the kids may feel like they are in boot camp rather than spending an enjoyable evening with their family. The big question that sparks a fire in every mother’s heart is, “How did they get this way?”

You taught them better. At least you remember doing so. When they were babies, you mashed up their peas and carrots, put their chicken and rice in the food processor, and made sure they ate on a schedule.

So, if it’s not your fault, then who did this to your children?

Outside Influences

Regardless of how well you teach your children, they are going to be influenced by the outside world. March into any school cafeteria, peer into the lunchboxes of those hyper little angels, and you’ll see exactly why your kids would rather eat cupcakes than cauliflower.

I always claim that my children had perfect diets until they went to school — it was all down hill from there. I remember when my daughter was in pre-K, I would pack her fresh salads and grilled chicken while all the other children ate canned ravioli and fruit cups. Her teachers would drool over her lunch while she would yearn for what other children were eating.

Not only are they influenced by other children, but other family members and the media play a part, as well.  Turn on the TV and you’ll soon see that every fast food chain has thrown the latest and greatest cartoon character into their kids’ meal. Watch an hour of kids’ shows and you’ll have seen more sugary commercials than the kids who actually star in them.

Sugary cereal marketing is hard to beat!

Eventually, you get tired of the battle and give in. What starts as a few treats here and there blossoms into an out of control lifestyle full of bad eating habits and a tremendous amount of whining. Before you stomp up to Grandma Minnie’s house and scold her for allowing cookies before dinner, let’s work on fixing things at home.

Take Them Shopping

Bringing kids to the grocer may seem like a nightmarish task. However, if you involve them in the process, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable the trip becomes. Most kids act up in the store because the entire trip is about them behaving while you do the work — so hand over the list and let them do the gathering. Their interest in veggies will skyrocket if they have to hunt for the best head of cabbage!

Depending on the age of your children, you can assign different tasks. For younger ones, you can make it simply about counting and colors. For preschool age through lower elementary, have them help you fill the basket. Tell them what to pick out, or give them the list to check off. Older children should focus on a lesson in money — have them find the best deals for you, match your coupons with products, or decide what foods you should pair together.

Involve Them in Meal Preparation

Kids love to cook. More importantly, they love to eat what they cook. Involving your kids in the kitchen is one of the best ways to grow health-conscious minds. Allow them to help you make a menu, shopping list, and your meals. Ask them at the beginning of the week what they’d like for dinner, and watch their faces instantly light up. It shows that you really do consider their needs when it comes to cooking!

You may not fit them into the kitchen every night, but planning at least one night a week where they help cook will really change the way they view food. Some nights, consider allowing them to take charge of what’s for dinner. If you end up with peanut butter celery sticks, cheese slices, and grilled chicken, then consider your meal five star.

Find Ways to Make Bad Foods Good

You can still feed your kids pizza and chicken fingers. Finding healthy alternatives to their favorite foods is a great way to please everyone.

Buy Them Cookbooks

The market has tons of cleaning-eating cookbooks for kids. Buying them a cookbook or two will really show that you care about what they eat. It also makes the eating about them, taking care of the age-old battle of, “I am not going to eat well because you are telling me to do so.”

Who knows? They may surprise you with breakfast in bed one morning!

Make Treats Treats Again

Dessert doesn’t have to come with every meal and snack. Sugary cereal for breakfast, snack cakes for lunch, fruit gummies for a snack, and then ice cream after dinner…. You get my point.

Reserve treats for the weekend. Kids need to function for school, and all that sugar does, is cause insulin spikes and crashes throughout the day.

Don’t Give In

Why do your kids complain so much at dinnertime? Because they know they will eventually get their way. Don’t give them options! A child will not starve himself; if he refuses to eat his dinner, so be it. Leave his plate on the table and every time he asks for a snack, send him right back to his plate.

The same principle goes for restaurants. Don’t give them options.  If you want your child to eat chicken and broccoli rather than a burger and fries, order it.

Remember Your Role

Most households in America have two working parents. Some parents even work two jobs. It seems the less time we spend with our children due to the demands of the outside world, the more we give into doing what they ask. At the end of a hard day, the last thing you want to deal with is a whining child who won’t eat her dinner.

However, you are your child’s greatest teacher and influence. Yes, we must lead by example, but we also must be the authoritative presence when it comes to nutrition. Studies show that children who eat a balanced diet sleep better, are more alert and attentive in school, get better grades, and have less behavioral issues. Ah, so that is for what we are fighting.

About Kellie

Kellie Davis is a graduate from Florida Gulf Coast University with a B.A. in English. She is now a freelance writer, contributor to the Olicious Life, and NPC figure competitor. She currently resides in Arizona with her husband and two young children.