Low Carb Snacks: Peanut Butter Cookies | Chocolate Cheesecake | Protein Ice Cream | Chocolate-Coconut Muffins | Guilt-Free CustardChildhood Obesity: Are the Parents to Blame?
I got a very interesting read in my mailbox today. It was sent to me by one of our contributors, Teri LaFaye, who found it to be a great read, as well. I’d really love your opinions, so I figured I’d put it here to see what you girls think.
The following article originally appeared on Yahoo, and was written by Jessica Ashley.
Is a Parent Responsible for Their Child’s Body Size?
When I read the story all over the news today about the mother arrested and being charged with criminal neglect because her 14-year old son weighs 555 pounds, my heart sank. But I didn’t know what to say or even think about the whole situation.
My heart sank because there is boy who is barely in high school who is living in a body that must be pushed to its limits. Being a teenager is hard enough, and I cannot imagine how physically and emotionally difficult it must be for this kid, who surely cannot participate in many of the activities and opportunities that get teens through those tough years.
His mother, Jerri Gray, says that she did not keep sweets or soda in the house, but admits she left her son home alone often while she worked second-shift or third-shift jobs. She also said she had to bring home fast food for dinner because of her demanding work schedule.
Attorneys for the family said that she did take as many opportunities as she could to treat her son’s obesity. However, South Carolina’s State Department of Social Services pursued custody the boy in foster care after health care providers reported that his mother was not meeting his medical needs. The agency found the boy to be at high risk and placed him in foster care.
The situation was already quite complicated. Under fire in May, Gray fled the state with her son. Once found in Maryland, her son was examined by paramedics and turned over to the state’s Department of Human Resources while Gray was arrested for violation of a custody order.
Although it is reported that Gray did follow the department’s guidelines, it is presumed that the 14-year old eating more than the food she provided for him. Lt. Shea Smith countered that, saying that Gray did not take advantage of all opportunities for her son’s medical care.
Similar cases have been considered in five other states. Family attorneys expressed concern on CNN that this case would open the door for parents to be held legally responsible if their children are eating disordered or even if they become pregnant.
I will be watching with interest to see what happens in this case and what kind of precedent it may set for parents of obese — or starving or pregnant, as the lawyers projected — children. I believe parents are the biggest role models for health and wellness for their children and thereby need to be the most accountable. I’d love to hear this mom say that maybe she didn’t teach him well enough, didn’t provide enough healthy foods for her growing son to thrive. However, I wonder if she, like many parents, was so mired in her responsibilities and work schedule that she just couldn’t. I wonder if she just doesn’t know what to do or how to take on her son’s critical needs.
Who's to blame?
But should she serve time for that? Should she lose custody of her son?
I can’t say. I don’t even know where to stand on the issue. It all seems like too much. It all seems overdone when it could be an opportunity for someone to step in and get this family on an intense program and maybe turn this all around.
Still, my heart sinks for the kid who was already home a lot, who already has a lot to deal with, and now featured all over the Internet and news and may be separated from his mother. Childhood obesity is awful and heart-breaking, yes. But is it criminal?
Most importantly, is he getting the emotional care, counseling, and medical attention social services says he needs while he is in foster care? I’d like to know that.
I’d also like to know the true health status of this 14-year old kid. Does he have any medical complications? How is his blood pressure? Is he sleeping well? Is he active? Is he happy? We can place a lot of assumptions on him by his weight, but I do think there is more here to be considered.
Until then, all we as readers know is that a child is obese and his parent is being charged with unlawful neglect for it. As this case continues to unfold and as this child is in the care of another family, perhaps we need to take the situation personally. Perhaps we need to turn our attention away from the photos of this boy to consider the question seeded by the attorneys. If we are parents, perhaps this is a chance to be self-reflective, and if we are not, perhaps it is a chance to think about how we were raised by asking:
Should a parent be held responsible for their child’s body size?
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I teach 8th grade and that makes my kids 14 yrs.old. I believe that at this age they can be partially responsible for themselves. That being said I do not believe that his mother should take all the blame for her son’s weight, and should not be sent to jail. They should both be put into a counseling/nutrition program and monitored closely by a social worker. Which could very well be what she was ordered to do in the first place. (details are sketchy).
But the boy also needs to be held accountable for his health as well. He needs to have input on what he eats and when and what he does for exercise. Don’t force him to walk on a treadmill if he’d rather walk outside….
I find the whole situation to be very sad…
i have a very close family member whose son is morbidly obese. He is now 11. She comforts her son with food and he probably eats the amount of two grown men each day. He is also not encouraged to exercise.
The saddest part is that she does it because she loves him. If he is upset, she feeds him. If he finishes all of his dinner, she gives him dessert. Dinner usually equates to 1700 calories and dessert can be half a bag of Oreos.
It breaks my heart on so many levels. She is a great mother and loves her son to no end. I can’t grasp why she doesn’t see what she is doing to him. She only focuses on seeing him happy. She never thinks of the repercussions of her actions.
The last thing I would ever want is for her to lose her son.
As a teacher, I observed parents of obese children’s behavior. Most of the mothers were pushovers. They did anything they could to comfort their children, and most of the comfort manifested in food choices. Candy, sodas, snack cakes, were a regular part of eating. I would notice these children packed a lunch and were given lunch money for snacks and even a second lunch.
I, too, had a very close family member who became morbidly obese – we both started out as skinny kids, but around the age of nine he started gaining and I stayed slim. It was awful to watch; he was made fun of and even contemplated suicide at one point. His mother was DEFINITELY the reason he became that way – she’d was a stay-at-home mom, no excuse not to prepare healthy meals – she’d feed him McDonald’s every day, multiple times a day and let him sit, totally inactive, playing video games. She never encouraged him to get outside and play, or participate in sports.
By the time we graduated high school, he was almost 400 pounds. It wasn’t until a few years into college when I took an interest in nutrition and fitness that he also around the same time realized he needed to change his lifestyle. I’m very happy for him – he’s down to around 200 pounds (healthy for his tall height), is constantly willing to learn more about nutrition and exercise, and is dedicated to his health.
His mom: “you’re too skinny.” I kid you not.
This is messed up. Nobody gets to 555lbs, or allows his/her child to do so, without major psychological issues. I have a 10-year-old niece who is obese, just like her parents, and it’s only just now that her mother is taking an interest in nutrition that the family is learning healthy habits.
I found the article sad all the way around. I teach high school and see obesity on a daily basis. I too have obesity in my family and see the issues people tend to associate with comfort foods and binge eating.
However, I still believe that discipline and diligence go hand in hand.
And as Einstein put it, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.”
Why wait till things are out of hand to open your eyes and SEE things are out of hand? Solutions are not only through education and counseling, but society’s admission and taking responsibility for their own actions. In my opinion, this includes healthy habits. Striving for EXCELLENCE becomes a HABIT if practiced enough.
Hugs to u! Teri LaFaye
I have lived through times in which I had to feed myself and my children on less than fifty dollars a week. Times like those meant that fruit and vegetables were luxuries, and the basis of our diet was the cheapest meat available (27% fat ground beef) white bread, and white rice to fill our bellies. There were certainly no sodas or sweets in the house. We simply couldn’t afford them. My children were very young, and did not suffer from weight problems. I, however, packed on the pounds. If poverty is an issue, weight problems can very easily follow. I don’t necessarily disagree with the comments other ladies have made, but I just think there are many sides of the obesity issue which need to be examined.